The BBC's John Simpson or 'Johnny' —— as he's fondly known by his army of under—sexed neurotic British housewives—— is quickly gaining top spot on my list of loathsome anti—American journalists. It's taken awhile because Simpson, unlike many of his other BBC colleagues, is usually that little bit more subtle in his America bashing. He does it with a fluffy pillow as opposed to a megaphone.

In his Sunday Telegraph column this week —— which appropriately could be his last since the BBC is belatedly cracking down on moonlighting journos not content with the generous salaries provided by the British taxpayers —— he's penned an article confusingly titled: The British figure little in American plans for Iraq.

One would imagine this report to be about the US hogging all the top jobs in Iraq, or not giving enough US taxpayer—funded contracts to the poor British companies, or some other such nonsense for which John and the BBC are so well known.

Well, it's not, it's about something completely different. But that's no reason for 'Johnny' to change the gimmicky title of the piece.

It all starts off with the usual ego—burst meanderings for which Johnny is famous. He sets the scene of a smoky bohemian cafe in Iraq where he's asking the locals who they think should be crowned the new Prime Minister — predictably each has a different answer.

The he runs into a 'small owlish man in his late fifties reading a book' who tells him with a twinkle in his eye that he is a graffiti artist who cleverly writes Arabic — believe it or not — slogans on walls insulting the Americans. This should be hilarious to all of course, and is the cue for much breakfast table laughter from Sunday Telegraph readers. Johnny really knows how to track down a good story.

Quickly, Mr. Simpson moves the article along —— with the grace of an elephant —— onto the subject of Paul Bremer. Well why not? He's an American after all, and since this article is supposedly about Americans shoving the Brits out of the way, the punch—line must be just around the corner.

'Mr Bremer sits in Saddam Hussein's old office at the presidential palace, a superb high—ceilinged room which, because it was built in the 1940s when Iraq was still a monarchy, retains a certain elegance and sense of proportion'

Ah yes, the usual imagery suggesting how the American Bremer is living it up in a palace having replaced Saddam Hussein as Iraq's dictator. This is real textbook stuff from the BBC.

'Outside Bremer's door stands a United States marine with loaded weapon at the port; people say that he even checks the ID of Sir Jeremy Greenstock, Mr Bremer's deputy, before letting him in.'

Well that really is an insult to all of Britain; those darn Americans can't even tell a harmless Brit sophisticate when they see one. It's shocking.

Johnny goes on to say: 'That may or may not be true, but there is unquestionably a sense of humour deficit at the heart of the coalition.'  

Sorry, but I'm lost on that one. What has thoroughly checking ID's got to do with 'a sense of humour deficit'?

How funny was it for Johnny when his cameraman got splattered during the war?

I recall seeing him on CNN berating the Americans about it, and Mr. Simpson didn't seem to have much of a sense of humour then. I guess he thinks death is only funny when Americans are being blown up.