America has many traditions—apple pie, baseball, and, thanks to Columbia University, mass-producing trust-fund revolutionaries with a soft spot for Hamas. But as it turns out, supporting terrorist organizations while enjoying a cushy student life in the U.S. isn’t quite as consequence-free as our academic betters would have you believe.

Enter Mahmoud Khalil, the Columbia campus firebrand turned deportation candidate. ICE picked him up, shipped him off to Louisiana, the White House hit send on a two-word masterpiece—“Shalom, Mahmoud”—and suddenly, an entire generation of Ivy League agitators needed fainting couches and emotional support kombucha.

Now, wouldn’t it be something if, thanks to a little old-fashioned detention center overcrowding, he wound up in the care of some Cajuns down on the bayou?

Yeah, it would. Mahmoud might have a whole new perspective on life after a few weeks of nutria hunting, gator wrestling, and conversations about personal responsibility with Phil Robertson and Uncle Si. If not, well… those gators get mighty ornery when you wrestle them.

I wouldn’t want anything to happen to Mahmoud.

So, just like that, exit Mahmoud Khalil.

Wait—Mahmoud Wants to Stay?

But wait—Mahmoud wants to stay?! The radical hate-America crowd wants him to stay, too?! Let’s pause for a moment to fully appreciate the irony. Is this a tacit acknowledgment that the good ol’ U.S. of A. is preferable to his native Syria? One would think he’d be dying to go home—metaphorically speaking, of course, because Syria is Syria, and let’s say it’s had some eventful years since Mahmoud decamped for the States.

This kettle of fish raises some rather rich questions: Who’s been picking up the tab for this guy? Columbia tuition? Not cheap. Manhattan rent? Not cheap either. And yet, somehow, Khalil has managed to finance his performance art of perpetual victimhood without ever pausing for anything resembling, you know, a job.

And here’s where things get interesting—was Mahmoud’s American dream subsidized by USAID? The same agency that has funneled billions into “democracy-building” projects (many of which, coincidentally, seem to align with far-left activism) could very well have played a hand in bringing Mahmoud to our shores. Was he the lucky recipient of some well-funded “cultural exchange” initiative? A taxpayer-backed scholarship? A friendly NGO flush with USAID cash?

Now, if Mahmoud really wanted to be a revolutionary at Columbia, he could have done something genuinely radical—joined the College Republicans, read the collected works of P.J. O’Rourke, and written a thesis on why Adam Smith is the most unappreciated intellectual of the last 500 years.

But no, he chose the well-trodden path of the pampered, cosplaying campus radical—railing against America while basking in its many luxuries. He’s not some bold intellectual; he’s a garden-variety nincompoop who needs a clean change of clothes, a shower, and about a year’s supply of aluminum-free deodorant.

From Campus Radical to Deportation Sensation

For those unfamiliar with his bio, Mahmoud Khalil is straight outta Damascus—which, like most cities great or small in Syria these days, is a pile of rubble. Damascus stands out because there’s more rubble there than anywhere else.

It’s a real shame, given Syria’s once-profound cultural heritage, but when your nation is run by jihadists who’ve made it their life’s work to slaughter any Christian, Jew, Druze, Kurd, or Muslim not in their particular sect, well—this is what you get. The finer things in life—peace, clean water, a roof over your head, life itself—disappear fast.

But I digress. This column will not solve Syria’s problems. Nor Mahmoud’s. However, he will shortly be Syria’s problem again.

Funny how that works.

A Hamas Cheerleader with a Green Card

No, Mahmoud’s a Hamas cheerleader with a green card. That’s right, he has permanent resident status—which, much to his surprise, can be revoked. Permanent ain’t so permanent after all, bruh.

When you’re a guest in someone else’s home, it’s usually a bad idea to scream at the owners, trash the place, clog the toilets, align with terrorists, or openly cheer for the extermination of their friends.

If you do, you outstay your welcome. In the words of one of the signature hits of the great Ray Charles, “Hit the road, Jack, and don’t you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.”

According to the Department of Homeland Security, Khalil “led activities aligned to Hamas, a designated terrorist organization.” At the protests he helped organize, participants didn’t just wave signs—they chanted genocidal slogans advocating for the ethnic cleansing of Jews. They handed out pamphlets praising the “Operation Al-Aqsa Flood” massacre—the October 7 attack where Hamas terrorists slaughtered 1,200 Israelis, gang-raped women, and kidnapped babies and elderly Holocaust survivors.

So, dear readers, Mahmoud has a particularly virulent form of brain worm infecting Columbia U these days. It has a name.

It’s antisemitism.

And Mahmoud is one of the leaders of this filth. Calling him patient zero might be unfair—but then, fairness isn’t exactly something Columbia’s Hamas fan club extends to Jewish students.

So there.

Of course, his supporters claim he isn’t an antisemite. But the group he led has a long history of antisemitism. So, who are you going to believe? Mahmoud’s enablers or your lying eyes?

“Bye, Felicia”

You don’t need a rap sheet to lose a green card. Mahmoud and his comrades didn’t just protest; they’ve been at the forefront of an effort to “globalize” the intifada—starting in Manhattan.

The Columbia protests are long past routine agitprop—they went completely off the rails a while back. And Mahmoud? He’s been front and center, megaphone in hand.

I was always taught that if you lie down with dogs, you get fleas. And Mahmoud? He’s way down in Louisiana, itching like crazy with no scratch in sight.

His supporters scream that Mahmoud hasn’t been charged with a crime. Well, that’s technically true. But let’s not pretend that means much—Columbia is in New York City, which isn’t exactly setting the gold standard for criminal justice these days.

But it’s even simpler than that: aligning yourself with a State Department-designated terrorist organization—such as, wait for it, Hamas—is enough for Uncle Sam to tell Mahmoud, “Bye, Felicia.”

And these determinations? They’re typically nonjusticiable in federal courts. But would I bet the farm that some Obama- or Biden-appointed judge won’t try to push the limits on that?

Not a chance.

Columbia’s Favorite Boho Must Go-go

The usual suspects have wasted no time screeching about “McCarthyism” and the chilling effect on free speech. Then there’s Alexandria from the Block.

That’s right, the people who brought us speech codes, Wokeism, a bunch of other -isms, and cancel culture itself are suddenly worried about McCarthyism and free speech because Mahmoud is about to go Splitsville.

Don’t confuse this with free speech, however. Mahmoud and his parasitic pals have every right to spew their venom, so long as it doesn’t infringe on the rights of others. But speech has consequences all the same. And for Mahmoud, here’s the rub: an alien (that’s the legal term, pearl-clutchers) can be deported if their continued presence undermines U.S. foreign policy. Our greatest ally in the Middle East is Israel—the very state Mahmoud and his friends wish to obliterate. There is not much nuance there, folks.

As for Columbia, its federal funding spigot is drying up in real-time.

And thanks to Trump’s DHS, Mahmoud will soon be gone unless he gets a lifeline from the courts.

Until then, Shalom, Mahmoud—and don’t let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you.

Charlton Allen is an attorney, former chief executive officer, and chief judicial officer of the North Carolina Industrial Commission. He is the founder of the Madison Center for Law & Liberty, Inc., editor of The American Salient, and the host of the Modern Federalist podcast. X: @CharltonAllenNC

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