Let me begin with a phrase I never used to start a story in 45 years as a TV reporter: “I may be wrong.” This entire piece may be wrong, but those 45 years on the air and 2000+ hours as a pilot tell me I’m right. The MSM floods their newscasts with reports of drone-terrified citizens ready to head for the hills over the latest media-induced scare. The word “drones” is now synonymous with “doom.” This is simply a media-driven scam. The MSM media is searching for something, anything, to boost ratings since their failure to ensure the election of the woman they considered God’s chosen presidential candidate. One man now claims 50 drones came from the Atlantic and chased him. He got his time on TV and didn’t even have to pay Oprah $2.5 mil. I wonder if he has also seen Sasquatch.

There are two types of media-hyped drones. The first are the small ones. They fly in groups. No, they are not some super top-secret American, Russian, Chinese, Iranian, or North Korean weapon. They are the same drones you can watch fly together on any given Sunday in hundreds of public parks. If you want to join the fun, it starts at about $49.00 on Amazon. These radio-controlled drones can fly for as long as an hour on a battery charge. They fly in any direction displaying the supposedly mysterious lights seen on television. Piloting skills come easily -- it takes about 45 minutes to become familiar with flying one. 

These drones have a camera relaying the sights from the sky back to the operator on the ground. For those non-pilots who always wanted a bird’s-eye view of their neighborhood from 400 feet, drones are a cheap alternative to spending $20K to get a pilot’s license. 

They also have a nefarious purpose if the operator is so inclined. FFA rules prohibit flying at night, but since when have teenage boys followed the rules when there is a chance to see a scantily-clad woman? The Biden administration declares these boys have the right to go into girls’ bathrooms and locker rooms at your local junior high, so why not use technology to have even more fun?

Drone owners soon discovered they could fly at night near apartment buildings. Not everyone closes their curtains. Soon, word got out that Mrs. Sushbaum in 7B puts on a great show every night. Boys will be boys, and teenage testosterone and high-tech hobby drones floating outside apartments’ open curtain windows quickly created scandalous photos floating over the ‘net.

If anyone doubts that drones can fly in formation at night and create spectacular sights, check out the Super Bowl Show. 

The claim that these small drones are gathering secret intelligence is ridiculous: 95% of the sightings are in airspace with no restrictions. Any aircraft, from a kid’s drone to a 747, can fly over most of America 24/365 and take all the pictures they want. There are Restricted and Prohibited airspaces, such as around airports, D.C., and some military bases, but 95% of American airspace is a free-flight zone. Add to that military photo satellites, and it’s obvious there is no tactical value to these drone overflights. If the Iranian Revolutionary Guard wants photos of American facilities, in most cases, they can take their camera to a local airport, charter a small four-seat Cessna, and snap all the pictures they want. If those saboteurs wanted to save money, they could wait until most bases hold their annual open house and take hundreds of photos. 

There has been much said that these drones are flying around military bases. In reality, they fly everywhere. They fly near military bases because the kids know that will get them the most attention. Much was said about drones flying over Picatinny Arsenal in New Jersey. If anyone thinks there are secrets to be seen there, this is what Picatinny looks like.

Simply put, it drone owners having a great time putting one over on the Great Unwashed.

But what about the big drones? Some are described as bigger than a bus, and they even make a lot of noise. There is a highly classified Double Double Top Secret name for such flying objects. The huge ones are called “airliners.” It’s easy to tell the difference between airlines and commercial helicopters. Airliners make “WooooSHHHH” sounds. Rotating helicopter blades go “Wakka-Wakka-Wakka.”

One example of this foolishness was broadcast far and wide this week. It showed an object in the sky over northern New Jersey. It flew in a straight line, low, slow, and loud. It was headed directly for Newark Airport. It had two red lights, a green light, and a white light. So does every airliner. We pilots love those lights. They are a great help when trying to avoid hitting other airplanes. 

The flashing red light in the center is the 360-degree beacon on the bottom of the fuselage. The steady red light is on the left wingtip, and the green is on the right. The white light is on the tail, facing rearward. This light pattern, used by airplanes flying every night in the world, has its history in nautical navigation. Coast Guard regulations have mandated a green light to starboard, a red light to port, and a white stern light on most boats for more than 100 years. 

Some of the pictures captured by the panicking public also show two bright bulbs lighting what appears to be a large tube at the front of these feared flying machines. Those are the landing lights illuminating the forward half of the fuselage. 

Observers also claim these “huge drones” make a lot of noise. They are correct. Jet engines are thunderous.

If you doubt the above, print a picture of one of these supposedly terrifying objects from the internet. Then go out to your local airport. Park about half a mile outside the airport fence under the landing airplanes. When it gets really loud, look up. 

It should not surprise anyone that these “sightings” are occurring in New Jersey. In Orson Welle’s “War of the Worlds” Halloween night radio hoax, the Martians landed in that state’s Grovers Mills in 1938. Everyone was terrified by the Welle’s network radio hoax. Some things never change.

There are certainly viable sightings that even military pilots cannot explain, but that’s not what drives the current media mayhem. It’s all about saying anything to get ratings. 

Finally, to turn the whole thing into a complete farce, Congressman Van Drew now claims these mystery drones were launched from an Iranian mystery ship parked in the Atlantic. It's too bad that no one can find this ship during the day.

Maybe it is Martians, Russians, Iranians, or Lord knows who. If it is, they sure traveled a long way to see Mrs. Sushbaum in her birthday suit.

Image: AT via Magic Studio