August 4, 2024

50 Shades of Muhammad?

By Richard C. Crandall

Globally, protesters have supported the Muslims who kidnapped, murdered, mutilated, raped, and tortured hundreds of individuals in Israel on October 7, 2023. To understand what they supported, we need to examine the Koran, the foundation of Islam.

Muslims believe that the Koran has always existed in heaven on a stone tablet and that before Muhammad, every community received the Koran. From 610 to 632, the Angel Gabriel again revealed the verses of the Koran to Muhammad. When a verse was revealed, it was called a revelation.

The foundation of Islam is dependent on the answer to the question, “Did the stone tablet always exist, or did Muhammad create the revelations on an as-needed basis?” One way to address the question is by examining how the Koran assisted Muhammad with his sex life.

Muhammad had a male slave named Zayd, whom he freed and adopted, proclaiming Zayd his son. Later, when Muhammad wanted his followers to abandon Arab customs and replace them with Islamic beliefs, Muhammad told Zayd and Zaynab to get married. Before Islam, it would have been unthinkable for a lower-class former slave, such as Zayd, to marry an upper-class woman, such as Zaynab. And whereas Zayd was unskilled and unattractive, Zaynab was accomplished and beautiful. Because of their differences, neither wanted to get married. However, a revelation [1] stated that when Muhammad “decreed a matter,” Muslims had no choice except to obey.

With their options to get married or go to hell, Zayd and Zaynab got married. Shortly after the marriage, Muhammad saw Zaynab scantily attired. He was so moved that he started mumbling that her beauty and body made men’s hearts flutter. Although Zayd offered to divorce Zaynab, Muhammad knew that prophets shouldn’t be arranging doomed marriages, so he told Zayd to keep his wife.

Then a revelation [2] stated that the Islamic god had blessed Muhammad’s marriage to Zaynab. After praising Muhammad for telling Zayd to keep his wife, this revelation rebuked him for his reluctance to marry Zaynab, fearing the reaction of his followers. Within Arab culture, it was illegal for a father to marry his son’s ex-wife, and whereas Muslim males were restricted to four wives, Zaynab would be wife number six. The revelation concluded that the commands of the Islamic god must be followed. With his wife betrothed to his father, Zayd divorced Zaynab.

To remove the criticism of a father marrying his son’s ex-wife, a revelation [3] proclaimed that adopted sons are not real. Even though revelations had stated the Koran was clear [4] and easy to understand [5], some found this revelation neither, since sons — adopted or not — are real. Thus, a clearer revelation [6] stated that Muhammad was not the father of “any of your men.”

With Zayd no longer the son of Muhammad, the next step was to remove any barriers to marrying Zaynab, Muhammad’s first cousin, the daughter of a paternal aunt. Fortunately, a revelation [7] with the list of women Muhammad was allowed to marry included paternal aunts’ daughters. Another revelation [8] quickly added that Muhammad should not be blamed for doing something the Islamic god had made legal and that this was the way with previous prophets.

After numerous revelations, the wedding took place. However, at the wedding reception, some of the guests lingered, thus preventing Muhammad’s fluttering heart from moving to the conception part of the marriage. Hence, another revelation [9] instructed Muslims not to linger when having dinner with Muhammad.

Aware that some of his followers were upset that he was exempt from the four-wife rule, another revelation [10] stated that “after this,” it was unlawful for Muhammad to marry “other women,” even though their beauty may attract him. When he died, Muhammad had nine to eleven wives. These marriages were legal because “other women” referred to women males were prohibited from marrying, such as a mother or sister. A backup revelation [11] stated that Muhammad could marry any woman he wished, a privilege for him only.

Next is an event with Aisha, Muhammad’s favorite wife. Muhammad took Aisha with him on the raid of a peaceful Jewish community. After conquering the community and leaving to return to Medina, Aisha was left behind, perhaps upset that from the captives, Muhammad had taken a young, beautiful Jewish woman as a wife or sex slave. A young, handsome Muslim found Aisha and brought her home. Soon, there were accusations of adultery, which would have damaged Muhammad’s credibility as a prophet and meant that Aisha would be stoned to death. Conveniently, a revelation [12] proclaimed Aisha’s innocence.

Although Aisha had been declared innocent, Muhammad must have recognized the possibility that a wife could develop a fluttering heart, especially since, in their presence, he often met with young and handsome men. Thus, a revelation [13] stated that if any of his wives committed adultery, their torment in hell would be double that of other adulterous women.

Finally, there was an event that dealt with men with multiple wives. A revelation [14] required husbands to treat their wives equally. Initially, Muhammad’s wives were equally assigned nights with him. Then he began spending his nights with Mary, one of his sex slaves who was known for her beauty. His wives tolerated this behavior until his wife Hafsa found Muhammad and Mary in her hut, on her night, and in her bed. Muhammad swore Hafsa to secrecy, but she told Aisha [15]. Muhammad then received several revelations, which started by asking him why he was denying and restraining himself from something the Islamic god had made lawful to him [16], which was raping Mary. It continued that Muhammad did not have to obey the equality revelation [17]. Then Hafsa was chastised for disclosing something to Aisha that Muhammad had told her to keep secret, and both were told to repent and stop opposing what Muhammad liked. The revelations continued that if Muhammad divorced his troublesome wives, he would be given more compliant and loyal wives [18]. Muhammad’s wives were told that if they stayed married to him, it would be on his terms, and as an added rebuke, they could not remarry after his death [19]. Additional revelations [20] stated that annoying and ungrateful wives went to hell.

Have the revelations always existed on a stone tablet, or were they created by Muhammad as needed? The answer is not obvious based on only three episodes in Muhammad’s life. But what is obvious is that in the Bible, Christ died for our sins; in the Koran, Muhammad got laid for his.

The author taught at the university level for 50 years, during which he watched the once proud discipline of sociology transform into a cesspool of liberal lies, indoctrination, and propaganda. As a result of this transformation, he is in a recovery program for sociologists, which, unlike programs with a set number of steps, is a perpetual walk of shame. Fortunately, the program includes wine. In addition to some articles, the author has written books on gerontology, running, Inuit art, and Islam. He is finishing a book, Islam: The Evil Among Us.