America’s political system is based on two parties, Republicans and Democrats. Given that the collective differences between the two parties are minimal, they are referred to as the uni-party, the ruling class, or simply “the swamp.”

As humans, we share 70 percent of our DNA with slugs. Republicans and Democrats probably share at least that much in terms of policies and priorities.

As you can tell, I hold little party in high regard, and am registered independent/unaffiliated because as Groucho Marx once said, “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” Either party will welcome me as a member only if I offer them my email address, phone number, and a credit card number.

I have names for both parties. Democrats are the “evil party” and Republicans are the “stupid party.”

Democrats are evil because they support the murder of full-term babies and encourage confused teenagers to surgically mutilate their bodies for short term adulation but long-term misery, as the New York Times surprisingly pointed out. They want to control people, sacrificing individual liberty and free expression in favor of what they perceive as the “collective good.”

They believe themselves to be their own higher power. Their version of “natural law” is their whims of the day rather than “unalienable rights” endowed by our Creator.

Republicans are stupid because they cannot articulate or enact any opposition to Democrat evil. They believe principled opposition is a watered-down version of Democrat policy. Like a battered spouse or child, Republicans crawl back to their abusers, hoping for a different outcome or a brief smile before the beatings resume.

Former Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal may have coined this phrase, although Republicans were stupid long before. At a speech to the Republican National Committee in 2013, he told his audience, “We must stop being the stupid party. It’s time for a new Republican Party that talks like adults.”

A few past examples include President George H.W. Bush famously saying “Read my lips, no new taxes” then promptly raising taxes and losing reelection to an Arkansas slickster. President Ronald Reagan signed an immigration reform bill in 1986 granting amnesty to 3 million illegal migrants in exchange for enhanced border security and employer penalties for hiring illegal workers.

We got amnesty and a bunch of new Democrat voters, but the rest never materialized, like Lucy pulling away the football as Charlie Brown was about to kick it.

Negotiating with evil never works as evil will agree to anything, then do as it pleases. That’s a truth for the ages. What is the latest Republican stupidity?

House Republicans had an opportunity to impeach Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas and couldn’t muster the votes. Even if impeached, a Democrat-controlled Senate would never remove him from office, but a Senate trial, subpoenas, discovery, and testimony would have been enlightening as to the decision allowing illegal migration to the tune of 300,000 migrants per month.

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A small group of Republicans thwarted impeachment. Mayorkas’s dereliction of duty in not enforcing existing immigration law and lying to Congress and the American people, saying “the border is not open,” was not “an impeachable offense” according to Reps. Ken Buck, Tom McClintock, and Mike Gallagher.

Didn’t Mayorkas take an oath to defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic? Letting 300,000 potential foreign enemies into America each month seems a clear violation of his oath. But to Reps. McClintock, Buck, and Gallagher, it is simply “policy differences.”

Rep. Buck also claimed it would set a “political precedent.” 

“I told each one of them when this happens the next time a Republican president is up, make sure you remember what this does. Because it really degrades this place.”

Precedent was set three years ago. Perhaps Buck missed it.

Buck might be suffering from Biden-like memory loss. Does he not remember two bogus impeachments of President Trump? One for asking the new Ukrainian president about suspicious business dealings between Ukraine and the Biden family, as we are now learning were valid concerns. Trump was impeached a second time for a so-called insurrection, apparently Trump trying to overthrow himself as the leader of the country at the time, an event likely staged by Speaker Nancy Pelosi and the FBI.

Ten Republicans voted to impeach Trump. Any Democrats vote to impeach Mayorkas?

Which party is the stupid party?

Sorry Rep. Buck, but precedent has already been set, and you chose, for unknown reasons (either carrot or stick), to play by white-glove rules while your opponents used knives and guns. That’s the stupid party in action.

Maybe Buck’s new CNN fanboys and fangirls will heap praise upon his “principle” and “virtue.” But I doubt his constituents feel the same way. Neither Buck nor Gallagher will face constituents again as neither are running for reelection after their current Congressional term. How convenient.

In the narrowly divided U.S. House, every vote mattered as the GOP had an extremely thin majority. This leads to another example of stupid.

Rep. George Santos was expelled by the House over dodgy campaign finances and lies about his education and work history. If those are disqualifications, most members of Congress should be expelled.

Why is Democrat Bob Menandez still a U.S. Senator? Both Menendez and Santos were indicted, but neither convicted. Yet the Republican was expelled and the Democrat remains in the Senate, another Democrat vote.

How often has President Biden lied about his education, work history, family, and legislative heroics, not to mention multiple plagiarisms? Up until the Special Counsel report calling him, “a sympathetic, well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory,” Democrats made no effort to expel or remove him through the 25th Amendment.

Santos was indicted but not convicted. He was “the only member expelled without first being convicted of a federal crime.” Rep. Ken Buck voted for expulsion, not so much worried about precedent or principle then, like he is now.

Santos had already announced that he wouldn’t seek reelection, so why not let him remain in the House while awaiting trial on his indictment. So much for “innocent until proven guilty.” He was a lost Republican vote in a narrowly divided House, a “stupid party” move by the GOP.

Santos, after the failed impeachment vote, tweeted “Miss me yet?” a slap in the face to his colleagues over their virtue-signaling expulsion that cost the GOP a crucial vote.

Similarly, former Speaker Kevin McCarthy could have stayed in the House, despite losing his speakership. Another lost vote. If he and Santos are replaced by Democrats in upcoming special elections, Democrats may be close to a House majority.

Who did or didn’t vote on Mayorkas’s impeachment?

Note this:

[Democrat Rep.] Al Green surprised House members when he entered the chamber in a wheelchair while wearing hospital scrubs. The 76-year-old's trip from the emergency room, where he was having abdominal surgery, proved decisive.

Republican Rep. Steve Scalise missed the vote as he “is undergoing treatment for blood cancer.”

This is not a “who’s sicker” discussion or who can or cannot leave the hospital, just the point that when push comes to shove, the Democrats are all hands on deck.

As an aside, abdominal surgery is performed in an operating room, not in an emergency room. Given that Rep. Green is a Democrat, the entire event could have been staged, much like AOC’s staged “crying” at supposed migrant camp.

Say what you want about former Speaker Nancy Pelosi, she ran her caucus with an iron fist. They all voted and stuck together, unlike Republicans who always have a few mavericks looking for kudos from the New York Times or Washington Post for their “principles.”

As the old saying goes, “Politics ain’t beanbag.” Democrats play with sharp elbows and fists and kick their opponents in the balls. Republicans tweet, hold hearings, and hide under the table. The results are predictable and consistent. And the GOP remains the stupid party.

Brian C. Joondeph, M.D., is a physician and writer. Follow me on Twitter @retinaldoctor, Substack Dr. Brian’s Substack, Truth Social @BrianJoondeph, and LinkedIn @Brian Joondeph.