It seems that a new wave of breast-beating mea culpas has taken over the ruling elites of Ireland.  They are apologizing for having been the beneficiaries of — get this — white privilege.

Now, don’t laugh.  I say it is about time.

It is true that the (native) Irish are white, and you know it.  Until the 1960s, Ireland was 94% Irish.  Horror of horrors.  And why was that?

Can you say, racism?

There were not many boat people landing on the Cliffs of Moher.

It might have been that Ireland’s cool, damp, wet (let’s be honest, subarctic), miserable climate was not that attractive to migrants “of color” from warmer and sunnier climes.  Or maybe it was the fact that, until the 1990s, Ireland was a poor country.  People left Ireland, not migrated to it.  Ireland’s glorification of alcohol was probably considered an abominable moral failing to Islamic migrants.

And frankly, there were no mosques in Ireland at that time.  A woeful lack of tolerance on Ireland’s part.

The Gaelic infidels just refused to embrace the wonders of the miracle of the eternal Quran.  The Irish were always a recalcitrant lot, most them not even having embraced the Reformation.

The Irish had barely won their freedom after centuries of abuse at the hands of the British government.  They were still aiming to get the last remnant of their country, Ulster, back.  The Irish had been the victims of British imperialism, religious prejudice, and a major starvation (aggravated by English land policies), to the point where half of the Gaels had fled.

But forget all of that.  The real problem was that the Irish were incurably white.

Yes, and they were the worst of whites.  About half of Ireland has blue eyes (at least among the native stocks), and another 30% has mixed or green eyes.  Only Scandinavia and the Baltic areas have higher rates.  And even the brown-eyed Gaels have a blue-eyed parent.

And the Irish are pale:

It's no secret that Irish people are some of the palest — if not the palest — people in the world.

Indeed, while not as blond as Scandinavians, they have paler complexions.

Yes, Irish are paler in skin complection [sic] than Scandinavians. Irish people are the palest in the world, according to studies 65% of the Irish population are type 1, which is characterised as being very pale white (ivory) and always burning, and never tanning. This skin tone often has light/red hair, light eyes and possibly freckles.

They are unbelievably white.

Forget that Oliver Cromwell ran a genocidal rampage through Ireland in the seventeenth century.  Forget that the British tried to prevent aid to the Irish from landing during the potato famine.  Forget that the demographic effect remains, and Ireland has fewer people today than it did in the nineteenth century.

Forget all that history.  It doesn’t matter.  The Irish are criminally white.

Though there was no black slavery in Ireland — and until recently, there were no blacks at all — whose fault was that?  The Irish benefited from white privilege.

Now, don’t deny it.  Everyone knows it is true.  Be honest.

The Irish remain impervious to the violence of their hateful ingrained racism.  They had no affirmative action programs for blacks in the twentieth century.  And neither did their schools encourage bilingualism in Spanish!  Of course not!  Was Tito Puente ever invited to the Emerald Isle?  And it is not as if some intrepid heroes haven’t tried to introduce the magnificence of salsa music (click here) to the thick-headed Celts.

But did the Irish listen?  Did the Clancy Brothers ever sing about the Dominican Republic?

Hopeless bigots, the Irish are.

True, they elected a half-Indian gay prime minister, but he looks almost white.  That doesn’t count.  The Irish were only pandering to the gay community.  It is an obvious ruse.

Everybody will be given rights — gays, Jews, Asians — before blacks are.  It is a fact.

Now, it is true that some forward-looking north-side Dubliners did embrace an African identity (click here), and their multicultural attitudes did offer some hope, but not enough.  Such visionaries were few and far between.  Ireland does have a black history month, but even that is a token.  It means nothing.

The Irish have proven to be irredeemably white.

It is hopeless.

So what is the solution?

The cure will have to be brutal. Nothing else can root this evil out.  It will involve a population transfer. 

As punishment for their racism, the Irish must forever be banished from Erin.  They should be shipped to New York, Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles, and Denver.

Instead, the isle of Erin should be given as a remedy to a truly deserving and victimized people of color: the Gazans.  Cork could be renamed Al-Khorq.  Dublin could be renamed Al-Dubleen.  Belfast could be renamed Balfazz.  Derry could be renamed Derree, and the island could be renamed West Palestine.

The Irish are pro-Palestinian anyway, so they should consent to the justice in this.

If Britain complains about placing 2 million Gazans adjacent to their own island, they must be reminded that this is the consequence of their Balfour declaration.

Yes, America will suffer.  Brooklyn will become more Irish and less Arab, but this will be the condign punishment we deserve for our American racism.  We will just have to suffer our lot, as a national atonement.

Come to think of it, Norway may be racist as well.

And Iceland...and the Baltic countries...and Poland...

Image: Still Burning via Flickr, CC BY-NC 2.0.