“College.” It sounds so good. “Everyone needs to go to college.” Sounds good again. But we know that’s a crock. We all need plumbers, electricians, carpenters, welders, and a host of other tradespeople just to keep life going. None of them need college. With apologies to grammarians and Norman Whitfield, we must ask, “College, what is it good for?”

At the moment, while it may be worth a bit more than “absolutely nothing,” the list of its “benefits” includes a lot of “graduates” who can’t repay their Federally Insured Student Loans, others who can’t find productive employment, and many who think that their primary duty is to protest. The object of the protest does not require any evil character. It simply demands the possibility of demands. Irrational, emotional protestors only have to have a target.

Obviously, the recent antisemitic protests on various college campuses raise huge questions. Who is paying for them to be in college? Who is paying for them to be there without regard for the primary purpose of education? And why are colleges tolerating them? Or supporting them? We know that certain of the Poison Ivy League are inflating grades, which helps make their “students” appear to be eligible for the next loan. Hmmmmm…

Image by AI.

Anyone who is smart enough to ask these questions can give the correct answer. Most of these alleged students are overgrown adolescents who have no moral compass and are tended by babysitters labeled “colleges.” They are at these rolling block parties because it’s the thing to do, not because it serves any life purpose. And they can do this because of Pell Grants (“PGs”) and Federally Insured Student Loans (“FISLs”). Because their personal time horizon doesn’t extend beyond tomorrow’s party (or protest, but I repeat myself), this is a perpetual pattern. Which brings us back to FISLs and PGs.

PGs and FISLs are paid for by the taxpayer. Yup. Your wallet is out there protesting. That’s in addition to the pain it’s causing in your back pocket. And the Department of Education is getting away with it on a continuing resolution. This provides a golden opportunity for the Republican Congress.

Each Department is supposed to have an individual appropriations bill. Thus, we see the National Defense Authorization Act coming through as a “must pass” action. But what else qualifies as “must pass?” The more pure libertarians among us might end the list there, arguing that nothing else the feds do is truly essential. And the argument that no one would notice if those other things weren’t there is somewhat valid. Each time the government has “shut down,” all that happened is that some government workers got a longer Christmas holiday. Excuse me. Kwanzaa. I don’t want to be called racist. When they went back to work, they got back pay. Now, suppose that we took a good look at just one teensy-weensy department.

Suppose that the Speaker demanded that the Education Committee present its appropriation bill within three days of coming back from its Kwanzaa recess. In the usual DC urgency, they interpret “three days” as “three years” and don’t send him anything. So, the Speaker simply puts his own bill on the floor for a vote. It includes a ban on FISLs or PGs for any college that allows political protests on campus. Ditto for any actions that harass any student on the base of race, political orientation, ethnic alignment, etc. It also bans any enforcement actions against any disfavored student or faculty member.

In short, those actions must stop, or the college can’t ever get any FISLs or PGs. Since almost all their students get some sort of federal aid, the colleges will go broke. And that’s a good thing. As we noted, colleges are supposed to be “institutions of higher learning,” not political entities.

Not one of those banned actions would have any effect on actual education. In fact, there is a solid argument that the bans will improve education by increasing diversity. That’s diversity of thought, not color or social construct. It is that diversity of thought that provides the challenges that create actual learning. But you won’t find much true diversity in most colleges. Instead, there is coddling of incompetence and promotion of virtue signaling.

Suppose the House approves the Speaker’s bill. Obviously, it does not preclude further “adjustments” as Congress continues its “work.” But those changes would only come after the original bill is passed and signed.

We know that Chucky Schumer will scream bloody murder and tell his Dems to vote “No.” Or he won’t let it come to the floor. At that time, the Speaker must have some brass stones. When the yelling stops for the Left to take a breath, he can tell the Dems to vote through a modified bill for consideration in conference. But the House conferees are instructed to hold firm. There will be no changes. If you want to have a funded Education Department, here’s what you get.

This is called the “power of the purse.” Republicans do not need to negotiate with themselves. Democrats simply have to take the bull by the tail and face the situation. They created a monster, and now the bill has come due.

But don’t students have the right to protest?

Ah! I’m glad you asked. The Constitution grants all citizens the right to “peaceably assemble to petition the government for redress of grievance.” The government doesn’t exist at a college…anywhere. If you want to protest, you have to go to your Senator’s or Representative’s office. Or you go to the capital, either state or federal. None of those places are on college campuses. And, by the way, you have to be peaceable, which means no “mostly peaceful” protests like 2020. If you are a foreigner studying on a student visa, you have no right to protest. Doing so grants you a one-way ticket to your point of origin.

Suppose that the Dems refuse to accept the funding the House approves? Then, the Department of Education will be zero-funded. We don’t need it. And Dems will be the ones who killed it. Of course, that means that huge numbers of “students” in useless programs won’t be able to afford their parties. And large numbers of underwater basket weaving programs that only benefit colleges will disappear. The entire incubator of discontent will vanish overnight.

Curious, isn’t it? All we need to do is to say “No.” The Left can’t force us to spend unless we go along with them. Does the Speaker have the cojones?

Ted Noel MD is a retired Anesthesiologist/Intensivist who podcasts and posts on social media as DoctorTed and @vidzette. His Doctor Ted’s Prescription podcasts are available on many podcast channels.