Are you "white"?  If you go to the paint store and ask for white paint, does the paint match your skin color?   If you put your arm against a white appliance, does it look the same?  If you are naked in a snowstorm, do you become completely camouflaged? If you put your hand in a copy machine does a blank page come out?

No, it doesn't, because you aren't white, you are more of a harvest peach.

Does that make you "Caucasian"?  The word is based on the Caucasus Mountains which basically form the border between Georgia and Russia. I'm pretty sure no one in my family tree ever even passed through this area, much less inhabited it.  I very much doubt I am "Caucasian." I'm probably more of a Euromutt at this point in our lineage.

But that's all fairly recent.

Let's go back further. If you trace my family back far enough (our family), you will find that we all hail from the exact same place. The Sahara Desert in Africa.

Because the Sahara wasn't always a desert; as a matter of fact, it was the Eden humanity was expelled from.

And as humans worked, hunted, fought, and ate their way out of Africa they changed. Their features changed based on diet and climate.  They developed different languages and cultures.  They developed tools based on different histories and needs. They drove different animals into extinction.

And entire histories were lived and lost.  We see evidence of cultures we know almost nothing about. We live amongst the ruins of their great civilizations creating future ruins and mysteries as we go.  We are as clueless about how to communicate our thoughts to the future, as the people who left us very detailed messages in Sego Canyon, Utah 5,000 years ago.

But ultimately, we all descend from the same place and the same people. We have scattered from the place that gave birth to us and developed differently.   This is a story supported by the scriptures of the religions of Abraham and genetic research.

So, now that I have established that I am not a "white guy", or a Caucasian, what am I?

It seems some of us are (if I may coin some new wokespeak) "Pre Sahara African American Trans Euro Indigenous Persons of Harvest Peach" (or "PSAATEIPOHP" for short).

Why is this important?  It's not; it's utter nonsense. But In our brave new world of identity politics, you’re actually being marginalized for being "white," so it becomes important to point out that you aren't "white."

When your company HR department, school, or church decides it's time to have a "let's blame whitey" cultural shaming session, let them know that you don't self identify as "white," but rather "PreSaharaAfricanAmericanTransEuroIndigenousPersonOfHarvestPeach" and insist on that identity being used.

Because "PreSaharaAfricanAmericanTransEuroIndigenousPersonOfHarvestPeach Supremacy" just doesn't have the same ummpph. And since you aren't actually a card-carrying Klan member, it is an important distinction.

Blaming white people for all the world's woes is easy: the word "white" has one syllable. If "white" people become PSAATEIPHOP, then it becomes easier to find some of the real culprits responsible for the travesties of history because you have words like "British Aristocracy" and "military-industrial complex" available suddenly, which are shorter.  It turns out history is quite nuanced.

Let's talk about PreSaharaAfricanAmericanTransEuroIndigenousPeopleOfHarvestPeach Privilege, shall we? How much "privilege" could that group possibly have?  Obviously, there are privileged amongst that group (British Aristocracy), but when you put it as PreSaharaAfricanAmericanTransEuroIndigenousPeopleOfHarvestPeach, one can envision the starving, despised, dirty peasantry of the dark ages that most of the PreSaharaAfricanAmericanTransEuroIndigenousPeopleOfHarvestPeach descended from.

The other reason this is actually important is that it is being established that it is okay to openly discriminate against white people based on skin color alone.  But it has not been established that it is okay to openly discriminate against PreSaharaAfricanAmericanTransEuroIndigenousPeopleOfHarvestPeach, so this at least throws a wrench in the cogs of wokeness.  Just as it has been established that it is not okay to be a Trump Supporter, everything changes if that support for Trump becomes one's gender identity. (No genital mutilation required). A TranzCisTrumpGendered person is part of the LGBTQTA++ community. And, as such, is afforded all the protection that the liberals can muster.

A PreSaharaAfricanAmericanTransEuroIndigenousPersonOfHarvestPeach has some serious marginalization going on. First, there's Sahara and Africa, which is not just African, but one of the roughest neighborhoods in Africa. Then there's the Trans part (always good for victim points).  And the Euro Indigenous, who may have been oppressed Roman slaves, or even forced out of Europe by the Aristocracy and put in a "penal colony" that turned out to be a continent occupied by other people already (oh, the privilege of being sent to prison).

You have no reason to apologize for simply being a PreSaharaAfricanAmericanTransEuroIndigenousPersonOfHarvestPeach. How many millions of us were slaughtered on the battlefields created by the European Aristocracy? How many of us were descended from slaves of Rome? Of Egypt? Of the Sumatran? Let's face it -- until coal and oil came along, all civilizations were based on slavery or serfdom of some kind. Most folkx aren't descended from the aristocracy, those of us who aren't related to Queen Elizabeth II are probably descended from serfs, indentured servants, pheasants, heathens, slaves, and other mistreated malcontents.

Some of our ancestors may have fought against the king or system that was enslaving and others fought for kings and systems enslaving. Most had no choice in the matter regardless of morality.

Even the Aristocracy whom I seem to love to malign wasn't immune to gross servitude to the King.  The Spencer Family (Princess Diana's Family) were Grooms of the Stool and literally wiped the royal booty.

Yes, you live in relative luxury, better than most royalty lived in the past (even if you do have to wipe your own tush).  But in the pre-oil world, chances are your ancestors were the energy source that royalty relied upon to maintain their "less luxurious than ours" regal lifestyles.

Graphic credit: Amadscientist CC BY-SA 3.0 license

Ivota Trump is a pen name.