If you are a male or a female (or know someone who is) and have been sleeping too soundly lately, type “billions of children facing climate shock” into Google and you will discover dozens of articles from last week warning that almost half the world’s 2.2 billion children will face, as one article says, “climate-related disasters in their lifetimes, [a UNICEF] report found.”

With that extremely abstract, unprovable prediction, extreme bureaucratic solutions may seem too harsh, but remember, the “consensus” among successful politicians is, as Governor Cuomo said, “...if it saves one life, it’s worth it...” (Except in nursing homes, of course.)

Our children are constantly being terrorized with theoretical 500-year forecasts, based upon phantom science and, even worse, they’re being taught to mentally “shelter in place” whenever possible. This is not a recipe for long-term survival. A rigorous “better-safe-than-sorry” attitude is extremely dangerous in this jungle called the Real World.

Few journalists have the huevos to ask or investigate whether humans are really capable of lowering ocean levels or preventing millions of wildebeest in Africa from emitting methane. These reckless antelopes-on-steroids are gassing more than their low-lying meercat neighbors. They’re also suffocating many underground (pre-endangered) species, including isolated colonies of the naked mole rats. Who gnu? (And please, ignore the fact the ruminants and their methane are an important part of the food chain.)

If man is responsible for giving Earth a fever, why was the highest surface temperature ever recorded (134° F) in Death Valley, California, on July 10, 1913? This heatwave happened several months before the invention of smog and commercial aviation.

Pollution from a volcanic eruption (Mount Tambora) in April of 1815, cooled the planet enough to create a year without a summer. What Unicorn Factory or government agency is capable of manufacturing a cork large enough to prevent the next cauldron bottle of vintage Mountain Magma from popping?

Instead of inducing constant panic, why can’t liberal idealogues offer sleepless children some comfort by suggesting that plate tectonics, climate cycles, and asteroid impacts are part of a much bigger plan?

As unsettling it sounds to news desk editors headline writers, uncontrollable scenarios involving Mother Nature’s tempest are...uncontrollable.

Anyone still yearning for insomnia can Google Toba, Taupo, or Krakatoa, then spend an ulcerating hour reviewing the “deadly” weather forecasted (50 years in advance) from a gestating monster called Yellowstone.

Now, let’s pretend you’re a 7 (or 38) year old, lying awake all night, worrying and struggling to solve pollution, injustice, and extinction problems. With these stress-inducing “unfixable” homework assignments, is it any wonder that so many kids (and child-like adults) are consuming record levels of ADHD meds and antidepressants? If Captain Picard were watching this episode unfold, he’d put the entire Enterprise crew on “Borg Alert.”

There are more than 31,400 American scientists, including 9,000 with PhDs, who’ve signed a petition declaring that rising global temperatures might not be occurring, exclusively, because of humans.

This list includes astronomers, geologists, meteorologists, and researchers who have put their reputations, careers, and even their lives on the line by merely “suggesting” this issue is not “settled science.” And, despite what enlightened nightly news anchors declare, “science” is not determined by majority vote or a consensus. Until “wokeness” recently overtook our universities, “science” meant roiling debate, challenges, peer reviews, repeatable results, and verifiable, openly accessible data.

Thankfully, for the plants and first animals of our early snow-cone-planet, there was global warming, not once, but several times.

There are lesser-known “climate” computer projections indicating that many more humans will die with the next Ice Age, asteroid impact, or Carrington Event (1859) than a prolonged heatwave. In each of those cases, melting glaciers, face coverings, vaccine passports, and social diversity will be the least of our worries.

Additionally, there is some little-known anecdotal evidence indicating that most green plants seem to prefer intense sunshine over icicles. The homework assignment for adults is to question whether to trust the botanist over the bureaucrat.

Prognosticators, strutting around as experts, tell us to obey their commands and have even suggested that failure to instill climate “stress” in our children is a form of child abuse by “proxy” and omission. It seems that leftists are creeping ever closer to “parental licensing,” an idea that I thought was a funny joke in 2006.

We are now careening downhill towards federally (and internationally) imposed parental re-education programs, “justified” using climate anxiety, vaccination/masking paranoia, and newly discovered “enhanced” child-stress data.

Should UNESCO, CDC, NIH, Fauci, Pelosi, Biden, and teachers’ union propagandists be in charge of rewiring our children’s minds to be synchronized with the faux-science “consensus” page?

We are becoming part of the Great Borg “cancel culture” collective. Is assimilation inevitable and resistance futile?

Many of Grimm’s Fairy Tales have been banned or deemed too “violent” for children. However, politically correct Saturday morning cartoons pound home the message that little boys and girls are going to die horrible deaths unless their parents give up their cars, wash their hands properly, become vegans, and stop challenging the effectiveness of wearing masks.

Unfortunately, the “uncomfortable” childhood stories from Brothers Wilhelm and Jacob, warning about big bad wolves, or cannibalistic witches selling gingerbread, have been replaced. We now must understand the traumatic puppyhood of canus lupus, ignoring its sharp teeth and trail of ripped sheep carcasses. Modern forensics, inclusivity training, and Critical Race Theory now describe the former serial killer who lured lost children with cookies as a misunderstood, lonely old lady with an iron deficiency.

(SIDE NOTE: In the original versions, Little Ms. Red and pre-digested granny were eventually saved by a hard-boiled hunter, wielding an “assault ax” and a menacing switchblade knife. And contrary to revisionist history, Hansel and Gretel did not push the old gal into the oven because she was hypothermic.)

Today’s moral lessons teach that surrendering grandma’s basket of food and redistributing everyone’s wealth will prevent violence, promote sharing...and probably get everyone killed.

With government in charge of “protecting” our children, cooling the planet, and deflecting nearby galaxies, what could possibly go wrong?

Entrenched bureaucrats become instantly enraged at any challenge to their authority, conclusions, or motives. These, the “oracles” of mass evacuations from Afghanistan, experts on pandemics, climate change, and protecting our southern border, are first cousins to economists and political analysts.

They’re all certified professionals who may not know what you’re thinking or your phone number, but they’re willing to take a guess.

Apparently, too much safety is never enough, even if it means producing nightmares (and years of therapy) for our children and those who think like children—cautiously striving, to protect everyone, from everything, at any cost.

Image: Putting out the fire by Andrea Widburg. Earth, fire, and water images from freeiconspng.

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