In The Lord of the Rings, wicked Sauron forged the One Ring in the fires of Mount Doom: “One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.” Well, that’s HR1 all around, isn’t it?

On D.C.’s Mount Doom, aka Capitol Hill, America’s necromancers -- Biden, Pelosi, and Schumer -- are fashioning one national election law -- an evil ring of red crystal to bind us all. In restless dreams, I see donkey after donkey trotting out of a dark Capitol, each jackass a Democrat victory on the shadowy path of elections yet to come.

Once HR1 passes, the Fifty Rings of Freedom, cast by the Constitution, will dissolve into thin air. When that happens, our only hope will be to forge a new Bell of Liberty and let its loud, resonant peal crack Hell Ring One asunder.

In short, we’re gonna need an amendment to the U.S. Constitution. HR1 will overrule all state election laws, but a constitutional amendment will overrule HR1. It will be difficult to pass, but if we fashion it out of fairness and integrity, it can be a winning issue for most Americans, not just Republicans, and a banner around which to rally.

Here are some ideas for this Fair Elections Amendment:

Section 1. All regular elections for federal offices shall be restricted to seven consecutive in-person days ending with the first Tuesday in November. Special elections shall likewise be restricted to seven consecutive in-person days. All ballots must be received by official voting places by 11:59 PM on the final day of the election.

Section 2. Voters desiring to vote by absentee ballot must request the ballot in advance. There shall be no mass mailings of ballots to people who have not requested them.

Section 3. Ballot harvesting shall not be permitted in any federal election. Drop boxes for ballots shall be permitted only inside police departments and county election offices.

Section 4. Only citizens of the United States may vote in federal elections. Photo IDs shall be required for all voting, and these shall be provided free of charge by the relevant state. All mail-in or absentee ballots must be accompanied by a copy of the voter’s photo ID.

Section 5. Each state shall clean up voter registration lists no later than one month before the start of the election. All deceased persons and voters who have moved out of state shall be removed from those lists. No voter shall be permitted to register in more than one state and none shall be permitted to have two or more concurrent registrations in any one state.

Section 6. A nationwide system shall be set up by the Federal Election Commission to check that no voter has voted more than once in the same election.

Section 7. Partisan poll watchers have the right to check signatures, addresses, and photo IDs of all voters, to check all markings on ballots, and to monitor the counting and reporting of all votes. All such monitoring shall be conducted from a distance that the poll watchers find comfortable. All vote counting centers and drop box locations shall have adequate video monitoring.

Section 8. All voting places shall use error-proof systems to register, count, and report the votes. No equipment, software, or ballots shall be used that are not made in the USA by companies owned and operated by American citizens; nor shall any be used that have not been approved by the FEC and by the legislature of the relevant state. All such systems shall be backed up with paper ballots that the voter can easily read, that are easily counted and re-counted. No voting systems shall be connected at any time to the internet. All voting systems must ensure that no one can trace which voter voted for which candidate.

Section 9. No official vote counts from any state or district shall be released to the public until 8 PM Pacific time on the final day of the election.

Section 10. All ballots, electronic tabulation materials, voting logs, and video evidence shall be kept secure for 22 months after the election, and all such materials shall be made available for inspection by all candidates free of charge. All states shall ensure a chain of custody for all such materials.

Section 11. The cost of holding federal elections shall be shared among the federal government, the states, and local governments. No non-governmental entities may pay for the operation of federal elections.

Section 12. One week before the (in-person) start of any election for federal office, all state legislatures shall go into special session, and they shall remain in session for at least 50 days, to ensure the fairness and accuracy of the election process.

Section 13. All candidates shall have the right to demand a recount for their federal election if the margin between the leading candidate and the requesting candidate is less than 2 percent of the total vote for that office. Candidates shall have two weeks after the election to make such a request.

Section 14. All candidates who claim election irregularities have the right to have their cases heard directly by the full Supreme Court of the United States if they can obtain the written endorsement of at least one member of the House of Representatives. Candidates shall have 17 days after the election to file such cases; the Supreme Court shall begin hearing such cases within two days after the filing.

Section 15. The Federal Election Commission shall be expanded to seven members. On March 1 of all odd-numbered years, all members shall be replaced by seven new members, one of which shall be appointed by the President of the United States, one by the Speaker of the House, one by the House Minority Leader, one by the Senate Majority Leader, one by the Senate Minority Leader, one by the Chief Justice, and one by the oldest current Governor among all the states. Any unexpected vacancies shall be filled by the President. The FEC shall be empowered to investigate (with subpoena power) all claims of voting irregularities, fraud, or voter suppression in federal elections, and to judge the acceptability of voting systems.

Section 16. The United States Congress and the state legislatures shall have the power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

My fellow deplorables, we must corner the tag team of Biden, Pelosi, and Schumer in the Wrestling Ring of Righteousness, make them taste the Turnbuckle of Truth and pound them (metaphorically) with the Folding Chair of Freedom. We must ring the powerful Bell of Liberty and make American elections great again!

IMAGE: Voting by rawpixel.com.

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