I was going to write about the staggering amounts of money the Feds are spending on fighting the Wu Flu War. But when the numbers for March came out on the Treasury MTS on Friday the result was bupkis. See for yourself at my new Coronavirus COVID-19 page at usgovernmentspending.com. Oh, the federal debt went up by $370 billion last month, but that happens all the time. And with 30-year Treasuries yielding 1.35 percent, who’s complaining except widows and orphans?

So, let’s talk instead about our liberal friends blaming President Trump. Two months ago, they were blaming him for acting too soon. Now they are blaming him for acting too late.

How can we understand this remarkable fact, aside from Hegel’s notion that opposites are equal?

The answer, my friends, lies in the soil, or rather Mircea Eliade’s The Myth of the Eternal Return. He writes:

The primitive... cannot conceive of an unprovoked suffering; it arises from a personal fault... or from his neighbor's malevolence... but there is always a fault at the bottom of it[.]

Do I need to translate? Here goes. The Gentry Liberal cannot conceive that “stuff happens.” Poverty, disaster, climate change must issue from “hate” -- corporatist racist sexist homophobic climate-denier, you name it. There is always some white supremacist patriarch at the bottom of everything.

Of course, there is, because that’s how the primitive mind works. Someone, whether it’s a white man or Old Scratch himself, is to blame.

Okay, now you go and explain this to the nice liberal lady up the street with a #WeBelieve sign in her yard. You tell her that her “Science is Real” thingy is baloney because Uncertainty Principle.

Here’s the thing. If our liberal friends are really primitives -- as I just proved -- we ought to be able to run rings around them just like the Brits did to the natives back in the jolly old days of the Empire.

Let’s all pretend we are anthropologists investigating the primitive culture of this weird tribe of Wokeratis recently discovered in the echoing canyons of Manhattan, er, Woke-oa.

You won’t believe the sexual practices of these Wokerati tribesmen, tribeswomen, and non-binary tribe-thems, even if you were a modern-day Margaret Mead, so I won’t even try. Oh, and the peculiar religious ceremonies performed by their medical temple priests upon almost-virgins. Unbelievable! You remember the Aztecs, whose priests tore beating hearts out of the abdomens of living sacrificial victims? Your Wokeratis have a similar cultural ceremony, featuring the partial-birth and then sacrifice of living human almost-babies.

And these Wokeratis believe that everything is someone else’s fault, the malevolence of some racist or other -- but never, oh never the fault of a Wokerati xi-self. Perhaps this means that they are even more primitive than your average primitive, because the average primitive believes that the fault could be his own, and not always the scapegoat next door or the village over the mountain.

Now we come to something that is really puzzling: the question of the gods of the Wokerati. As you know, the primitive imagines himself as utterly under the sway of a multitude of gods and spirits, who may help him or destroy him, as the mood takes them. But the natives in Woke-oa believe that they are gods. They are the creative ones, the Chosen Ones, chosen by Gaia as her Woke godlings to rule the world as creative artists, college professors, government scientists, priests of moral woke-ism, and of course as activistes performing the sacred ritual of the “peaceful protest.”

Have you ever heard the like?

Here’s another weird thing. The Wokeratis have a passionate interest and faith in politics as salvation. They believe passionately in the politics of ethnic groups, gender identities, protest groups,  non-governmental organizations, and supra-national bureaucracies. But one thing they are all united against is the nation state, because, I believe, of a shared belief that all nation states are just a step away from a thing called “fascism.” Totem and Taboo, as Freud said.

This belief has been confusing to them in recent days because, in the coronavirus era, ordinary people -- Commoners, I call them -- all look to the leaders of their nation states, and not to globerati or racial leaders or peaceful protesters, to Do Something about the plague. In Britain, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has just issued a paean to the nation and in particular to Britain’s National Health Service that saved his life. (No news yet on whether they cured Boris using the Trump Treatment that “scientists say” is questionable).

Obviously, it is too soon to declare a settled science in respect of the Wokerati tribes on the island of Woke-oa. More research is needed and perhaps double-blind studies are warranted to ensure the published research findings are reproducible.

Oh Brave New World, that hath such people in ’t!

Christopher Chantrill @chrischantrill runs the go-to site on US government finances, usgovernmentspending.com. Also get his American Manifesto and his Road to the Middle Class.