I don't know exactly what we're supposed to do for Muslim Women's Day, but my guess is that we give them what Mohammed did.  This means their testimony is worth only half a man's; that we may beat them if they speak out too loudly; that their husbands get off lightly for cheating; that the women get far worse for it; that we force all the ladies into hijabs; and that if any woman is happily married, we allow three other women to share her husband with her.  Is this for or against them?  It's difficult to say; but it's what they want, and we don't want to be accused of hating Muslims, so we do it — gladly.

In my opinion, the women of Islam deserve a day much less than the men do.  For years, I'd been judging the Saudis without walking in their shoes.  For instance, why do they lock their women up and not allow them out alone?  Why did they not allow them to drive for so long?  Why do they cover them head to toe and keep them from office and from speaking in public?  Why don't the Iranians allow them into soccer games?  Why are honor killings punished so lightly in Yemen?  I stopped asking the moment Linda Sarsour got a bullhorn.  It's possible the Muslim man isn't a bully, but a victim, and the safeguards he puts around such animals, it turns out, were only for the protection of himself and his country.

My case in point: The founder of Muslim Women's Day, Amani Al-Khatahtbeh, began her women's crusade as all Muslim women must: an act of mental failure based on a gross misconception of her identity.  She was 13 at the time of 9/11 and living in New Jersey, probably the worst time and place to be an American Muslim, when her family decided, for obvious reasons, to move her back to Jordan.  It was there that she gained an immense respect for herself as a second-class person, and when her mom got sick, she brought this respect back to the United States.  She began to wear the hijab not out of religious duty, but as an act of defiance — as Catholic boys wear MAGA hats, but more socially acceptable to Democrats who believe in redefining marriage, in aborting your own kid, in dressing like a prostitute, in getting trashed on bad gin, and in having a woman wear the pants in the family, also being against beating girls silly or trading them as sex slaves.  It has yet to be seen how anyone can love Islam and be against everything it stands for, but this is America, so we're giving it a shot. 

Al-Khatahtbeh's website, MuslimGirl.com, is a testament to her failure to read or understand the Qur'an, or the Hadiths, or any serious imam.  She seems like the worst American Christians to lack any ties to tradition or dogma or the founder of her sect, and she uses her religion to advance her own opinions instead of conforming her opinions to her religion — the true sign of a narcissist and a liar.  On her site you'll find articles devoted to Rami Malek, a man recently made famous by his portrayal of Freddie Mercury, who sang about fat-bottomed girls and died by hairy-bottomed boys.  Freddie would have been jailed or killed in any Muslim nation today or any other day, but this is apparently beside the point.  Beside this there's an article on "The Millenial Muslims who Smoke Marijuana" and a tasteful essay called "How Islam Became My Safe Trans Space."  She says Americans hate Muslims but spends her time championing things Muslims hate about Americans.  To be completely honest, a quick look at her site made me like America less, too.

She says, "I think I've become very blatantly aware of the certain privileges ... that I have that other individuals don't, that other Muslim women in other parts of the world might not necessarily have access to."  Why don't they have the privilege?  Conveniently, no answer is given.  She says, "Our theme for this year is 'Muslim women talk back to violence' so, whether it's gun violence or a #MeToo or #TimesUp movement, these are obviously themes that impact women from all backgrounds, across the board."  Conveniently, no mention is made of Sura 4:34, which expressly permits wife-beating, or that the best places to be a woman, save maybe Japan, are all consistently in the white west, and the worst places, save maybe India and Hollywood, are all run by Islamists.  Compared to the Egyptian, even the Italian is a eunuch.  She says, speaking of the Muslim women she features from around the world, that "our philosophy is that nobody is voiceless, they're just voices that are more systematically silenced than others."  Which system is silencing them?  Again, not the slightest pretense of an answer.  We wish someone would shut her up, but freedom means the freedom to be a moron — a bed we've made for ourselves, which we continue to lie on.

The counterpoint to all this is that most Muslim women are too well behaved to grab a bullhorn and nag us to death.  As such, the 5% of rowdy, heretical, irrational half-wits are making themselves look like the whole; and the majority of Muslim women, who are probably good ladies getting way worse than they deserve, have to suffer double by being associated with these.  If this is the case, they have my pity, and I beg these good women to 1) forgive me for lumping them in with the loudmouths who represent them and 2) please save themselves and leave Islam — not for feminism, or atheism, or even Americanism, but something more tasteful and dignified for a good woman.  I mean in this case joining the Catholics, or the Mormons.

Jeremy Egerer is the author of the troublesome essays on Letters to Hannah, and he welcomes followers on Twitter and Facebook.