Michelle Obama gave a speech at the DNC convention that her adoring media and minions described as remarkable, memorable, a speech for the ages, an absolute home run, and Reagan-esque, among countless more proclamations and platitudes.

The first lady started out by reminiscing about the last eight years.  In an obvious attempt to connect with her urban contingencies, she began with a personal topic they all can surely relate to.

MICHELLE: "When they [her daughters] set off for their first day at their new school, I will never forget that winter morning as I watched our girls, just 7 and 10 years old, pile into those black SUVs with all those big men with guns."

As a fellow parent, it brings a tear to my eye.

In Chicago and D.C., all those mothers can relate to how, like Michelle, they wonder if their children will make it home from school – or will they run into bad men with guns and drugs, wishing they had protection as the Obama children do?  Surely they can imagine Michelle's young daughters' faces pressed up against the limousine's bulletproof glass on their way past the unionized corrupt public schools as they are whisked away to the most exclusive private schools in America – the same ones Bill and Hillary sent little Chelsea to.

MICHELLE: "... how we urge them to ignore those who question their father's citizenship or faith. How we insist that the hateful language they hear from public figures on TV does not represent the true spirit of this country."

She has a pretty low opinion of this country but I'm certain that they weren't seeing any of this while their dad was watching ESPN, preparing for his March Madness picks, or getting his news from MSNBC, where they still get shivers up their legs whenever they talk about him.

MICHELLE: "You see, Hillary has spent decades doing the relentless, thankless work to actually make a difference in [children's] lives ..."

Yes, Hillary has devoted her life and career to the children of the world. Especially the 12-year-old rape victim she steamrolled in order to set a 41-year-old rapist free.  She laughed about the whole thing later.

MICHELLE: "And when I think about the kind of president that I want ... someone who understands that the issues a president faces are not black and white ..."

That disqualifies Barack.  Everything with him seems to came down to racism, or blacks versus whites.

MICHELLE: "Because when you have the nuclear codes at your fingertips and the military in your command, you can't make snap decisions.  You can't have a thin skin or a tendency to lash out. You need to be steady and measured and well informed."

There's a lot here.  Where do I start?  I seem to remember that it took Obama 16 hours to decide to take out Osama bin Laden, but only minutes to assassinate two American citizens with a drone.  Maybe Hillary should have spoken up and saved Anwar al-Awlaki's young son.

Next, nobody would ever accuse Obama of having a thick skin.  Lashing out has always been reserved for his surrogates, most notably Valerie Jarrett and Rahm Emanuel.  Hillary herself is legendary for lashing out.  Books and movies have been written on the topic, and Bill has scars to prove it.

As far as being well informed, her husband's record for skipping national security briefings and then admitting that he found out about important situations by reading the paper just like everyone else doesn't seem to meet "well informed" status.

MICHELLE: "I want a president with a record of public service, someone whose life's work shows our children that we don't chase form and fortune for ourselves ..."

Wow, it just doesn't stop!  Her husband's and Hillary's public service records have prepared them to run absolutely nothing, let alone the largest and most powerful country on the globe.  Clinton can't even use email properly.

As for chasing form and fortune for herself, Clinton's $26 million of speaking fee income and billions brought into her personal piggy bank, aka The Clinton Foundation, as quid pro quo for God knows what, certainly is nothing to show our children – "Yes, sweetie.  Maybe if you get a job serving the public like Hillary, you too can make $250,000 for a twenty-minute speech."

We won't even get into what Slick Willy was chasing in the name of public service.

MICHELLE: "I want a president who will teach our children that everyone in this country matters."

Did she just give a shout out to the All Lives Matter movement?  If Trump said this, would the liberal media talking heads blow a gasket?

MICHELLE: "... don't let anyone ever tell you that this country isn't great."

This from a woman who admitted that until her husband ran for president, she had no pride in America. 

MICHELLE: "So in this election, we cannot sit back and hope that everything works out for the best."

How's that whole Hopey Changey thing working for you after eight years, Michelle?  Not so well.  I guess being president really is more than just sitting back and hoping.

MICHELLE: "So let's get to work."

Finally, a jobs program from Hillary and Michelle.  Oh, no – it doesn't pay anything.  Whatever happened to $15 minimum wage?  We'll have to wait for her husband's speech to find out.

MICHELLE: "Thank you all and God bless."

Hey, didn't somebody else say that?  Where are the plagiarism police?