If Hillary Rodham Clinton effuses that “new car smell” (for which voters yearn in their next president according to Barack Obama) it could only come from a cosmetic transplant, a heavy-duty truck Glider Kit.

A Glider Kit, costing thousands of dollars less than a brand new semi truck-tractor, is a new cab and front end lifted onto the original chassis, engine, transmission, and driveline.  Pretty clever…looks show-room fresh, but a quick walk around and peek under the hood will reveal a high mileage oil-stained diesel engine with worn out tandem axles, sloppy transmission, and rust-infested frame. 

Hillary’s Glider Kit appeals to the Tweedle-Dumb species found in Jonathan Gruber’s Looking-Glass -- succumbing to her scent of an irresistible woman destined for the Oval Office…as president. 

No, olfactory nerves aroused by Hillary should evoke a musty horse-ball aroma of a back-woods buggy with cracked leather oiled down with her own brand of logorrhea.

A few months ago during her underwhelming book tour, Hillary gushed with her phony self-deprecating tale of poverty that she and Bill  “came out of the White House not only dead broke, but in debt.”

It’s not enough that Hillary still enjoys the glow as identity politics’ heir apparent, although Sen. Elizabeth Warren just might out-populist Hillary’s reinvented disdain for privilege.

Hillary seemed delighted to evoke the persona of William Henry Harrison, in 1840 the first presidential aspirant to extol his log cabin roots, a homespun bumpkin, just one of us. 

Hillary not only aligns herself with an oppressive dead white guy, but then likens her Republican opponents to Harrison’s predecessor old-timey Democrat Martin Van Buren, “elitist”, “lordly” and “uncaring”, indifferent about the economic calamities that beset the nation during his presidency while he luxuriated with fine dining and perfumed shaving powder. 

Of course Harrison’s commoner self-portrait was easily flaked patina. His father was none other than Benjamin the 5th, Virginia planter, signer of the Declaration of Independence, and governor of Virginia. William Henry’s only log cabin was occupied by the slaves owned by his family.  And he was well read in the classics, medicine, and military arts; and the accidental hero of the battle, (should read ethnic cleansing skirmish) of Tippecanoe when, as governor of the Indiana Territory, his forces defeated an Indian confederacy, and killed its leader Tecumseh.

Hillary, teller of tall tales extraordinaire, has the same rationed quota of self-promoting integrity, whether it be sensational stories of being under fire in Bosnia, or her claims of a right-wing conspiracy exposing her husband’s serial sexual decadence.

Far from an impoverished waif, Hillary was the privileged middle class daughter of a well-appointed Chicago textile merchant.  Hugh Rodham had enough connections and resources to dabble in Chicago politics in his spare time, while sending Hillary to Wellesley College to join the likes of Diane Sawyer, Cokie Roberts, and Elizabeth Drew. Hardscrabble indeed.

William Henry Harrison, up from the bootstraps Indian fighter. Hillary Rodham Clinton, up from obscure suburbia class warrior.

Of course the populist narrative is also a lie -- like so many Progressive fables -- spiked by Bill Clinton’s dalliance with Wall St in the 1990’s, then channeled by Hillary for several millions in campaign funds from Goldman Sachs, Citicorp, and JP Morgan while becoming a carpetbagger US Senator from New York.

Moreover the Democrats’ woebegone affinity with the downtrodden and penniless has evaporated since the waning days of George W Bush’s second term.  America’s wealth is concentrated in congressional districts held by Democrats, even as their ranks have been depleted in 2010 and 2014.  Michael Franc from the Heritage Foundation observed in 2007:

“Democrats now control the majority of the nation's wealthiest congressional jurisdictions.  More than half of the wealthiest households are concentrated in the 18 states where Democrats control both Senate seats”.

Leading the Democrats’ One-Percent Nation is the Clinton’s accumulation of riches exceeding $100 million, even inviting scorn from Aljazeera, suggesting most of Bill and Hillary’s stash, acquired from dubious sources, is most likely laundered through their Foundation, and is further tainted by outright conflicts with US foreign policy national security interests.

Look, there’s no shame in being a greedy One-Percenter, a grubby capital-gleaner. After all somebody had to pay for Chelsea’s Stanford undergrad tuition and that stunning wedding in Rhinebeck.

And who would pay Hillary’s prolific bar tab if she can’t have at least a Cabinet level wine sommelier on call or no longer has single-malt scotch on her speaking engagement fee bill-of-materials?

How to explain her bizarre economics lesson while campaigning in Massachusetts for the forgettable Martha Coakley, US Senatorial hopeful,  “Don’t let anybody tell you that it’s corporations and businesses that create jobs.” 

Of course not, trickle down anything is verboten, except Hillary’s own trickles are torrential downpours of arrogance and condescension, barely camouflaged by her glib wavelet gestures, and dismissive chortles when pressed to explain her dissembling, and to describe any real accomplishments -- other than becoming a wealthy survivor.

And was it vodka sampling that led to her latest hypnic jerk from another otherwise hypersomnia pedestrian patter at Georgetown?  “Showing respect even for one's enemies. Trying to understand, in so far as psychologically possible, empathize with their perspective and point of view.”

So what is Hillary’s makeover Glider Kit? Populist, yet still beholden to crony capitalists and economic rent seekers. National security athlete, yet still a couch potato preferring synchronized swimming over boxing.

But I suppose Liz Warren, in relative terms, is the authentic populist in this contest.  She’s only worth a reported $10 - 12 million or more, from teaching bankruptcy statutes to Harvard Law students -- how to conveniently deploy chps 7 and 13 (or chp 11 for corporate deadbeats), to stiff honest creditors -- defending asbestos manufacturers in skirting mesothelioma claims from firemen, shipyard workers, and US Navy veterans, and flipping houses using subprime lending to find gullible successors to her bondo and particle board facelifts.

But give Senator Warren her due: her gains, however immoral and ill-gotten, came from real work; unlike Hillary’s meandering, purposeless, yet gilded windfalls from simply being the opportunistic wife of a disgraced former president, polished by an abundant meatless and egg whites-only resume.

Hillary’s Glider Kit can neither hide nor re-make her lifelong reputation as a shallow scheming, self-absorbed, vindictive conniver. Or worse: “Hillary Clinton Fired For Fraud and Ethics Violations From Watergate Committee.”

Meanwhile Hillary’s heart is stuck with her radical Alinsky-ite past. But her head knows that radical politics breed anarchy and poverty, and most importantly consign her to a diminished and marginalized personal life.  Thus her insatiable preoccupation with accumulating her own personal wealth, enabling corporate central-statist leeches while condemning their power and influence.

Hillary’s Glider Kit isn’t fooling anybody except Clinton’s personal mechanic Lanny Davis.