When I was a kid, my younger brother used to complain that "it's not fair" when I was able to do something he couldn't do.  If I got a new toy he wasn't ready for, my brother would complain, "It's not fair."  If I was allowed to walk to the nearby drugstore before he could, he'd complain, "It's not fair."

Like little kids, liberals love to use the phrase "It's not fair."  When somebody is rich, liberals say "It's not fair."  Kind of reminds me of my younger brother when we were little.  Sometimes liberals use the phrase "redistribution of income" instead of "it's not fair" when they want to elevate the conversation and sound grown up.

What's kind of interesting is that when it comes to liberals' toys and money, they're very reluctant to give them up.  Whether it's taxes, toys, money, or political positions, "it's not fair" when they are held to the same standards as other Americans.

I like toys.  Recently, I got a new one.  It's called a "baloney detector."  Sometimes I use it on people in my neighborhood.

A guy moved into a really big house down the road from me a couple of years ago.  Well, actually he lives a few miles down the road.  His name's Barry.  He really knows how to live in style on the backs of the less fortunate citizens of America.

Barry has some really cool toys to play with whenever he wants something to do.  And, even cooler, he doesn't have to pay for them.  (Gee, I always have to pay for my toys.)  For a guy who's always talking about fairness, equal outcomes, and balancing the budget, and for a guy who's filled with so many good intentions, Barry might have to get a lesson on the word "hypocrisy."  Someone should tell him that "it's not fair."

A big jet is at Barry's disposal anytime, night or day.  I don't have a big jet available, on command, to fly my wife and me, free of charge, on dates up to New York City.  Barry does.  He also has a helicopter available that can land in his backyard.  I don't have a helicopter to fly around in like Barry does.  Actually, my backyard is not big enough to land one in, anyway.

Recently Barry was criticizing other people who had their own toy jets.  He said he wants them to pay more taxes on the jets.  Maybe Barry got mad because they had to pay for their toys themselves.  It's not fair.

Barry has a really neat new car.  It's all nice and shiny, and he gets to ride around town with sirens blaring.  (It's not fair.  My car is eleven years old and doesn't have a siren on it.)  All around him are guys riding in big SUVs carrying all kinds of weapons.  I guess Barry feels kind of insecure.  There's some kind of seal on the side of his car that keeps falling off.  Maybe it doesn't belong there.

When helicopters aren't landing in his backyard, Barry loves to have parties at his big house, especially on Wednesday evenings.  He invites the rich and famous -- you know, Hollywood and Wall Street types, well-known singers, etc.  (I wonder if he's told them yet that they're rich and he wants to redistribute their income.)  The fixin's are sometimes kind of showy: $100-a-pound Kobe beef and $400-per-bottle wines.  My cookouts include $4-per-pound hamburgers and $1.00-per-bottle soft drinks.  There aren't any stars in attendance, either.  (Maybe I limit my circle of friends too much.)  It's not fair.

If Barry invited me to one of his soirées (that's French for Barry's backyard cookouts), I guess I'd have to say "No thank you."  Eating $100-a-pound Kobe beef, at taxpayers' expense, when millions of Americans are out of work, just doesn't seem quite right.  Even if you are the most well-intentioned man in America.  It's not fair.

Recently Barry got together with a guy named John to play a round of golf.   The story leaked out that Barry's team won.  No wonder -- even with all the hard work Barry says he does, he was able to get in 77 rounds of golf in the past two years.  John was snookered.  It's not fair.  Apparently Barry doesn't believe in redistribution of golf scores to bring about equality.  It seems like he's hung up only on redistribution of "rich" people's money.  I think maybe his soirée guests had better watch their back pockets.

In 1995 and again in 2006, Barry wrote autobiographies.  Wow, 49 years old and two autobiographies already written.  That gives him plenty of time to write more autobiographies.  Actually, a writer has analyzed one of Barry's books and called into question its author.  Turns out the book may have been ghostwritten by one of Barry's friends.  It's not fair.  No one has stepped forward to ghostwrite a book I'd like to author.  Oh, well.  Barry can laugh all the way to the bank as he enters the ranks of the "rich."  Then he can redistribute his own wealth.  That would be fair!

Yesterday I took my new baloney detector and turned it on the things Barry says and does.  I was really shocked at what the needle on the gauge displayed.  It said "Full of Baloney" for everything that I tested Barry on.  It's not fair.

I think Bill Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, Michael Pfleger, Rashid Khalidi, and Bernardine Dohrn need to sit down and talk to their buddy Barry about his limited understanding of fairness.  After all, that would only be fair.