Satire

I'm having a super-cool time with my mom on her "One Nation" bus tour.  Yesterday, my mom was talking with Chris Wallace about our terrible economy.  I guess they would interview President Obama, but maybe he was on the golf course. 

Some people said I should be in school which is kind of what I thought this bus tour was, but more fun.  Of course, I'm out of school because kids in Alaska still get summer vacations like in the old days when kids learned things from their parents, and not just the State.  Being "schooled" sure wouldn't hurt some of the people saying how silly a tour of historic American landmarks is.  Have they ever taken one?

I get to see the history of America with my own eyes -- Bunker Hill, Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty, Gettysburg, Mt. Vernon, and the National Archives.  I ate pizza with The Donald, rode a motorcycle, and learned how to box out photographers.  I've sure had to shake a lot of hands.  My dad said not to shake hands with anyone named Anthony Weiner -- whoever that is.  It's funny because everything we see, from Ellis Island to Independence Hall, is all the stuff my mom really believes in -- like liberty, freedom, individualism, limited government, and equality - not just talks about.  So it's weird why people would ever call her anti-American. 

I've met a lot of nice people who really like my mom.  They thank her for not being afraid to defend real, American values.  Maybe that's what the media can't figure out -- why so many people believe in my mom when the super-smart media tells them not to.  It's kind of like my 4^th grade class elections.  My friend Sally was running, but a group of really mean girls made up lies about her because they wanted their friend elected, and then everyone turned on Sally.  I don't think people even believed the lies, but they were scared those girls might say things about them, or make fun of them, so they just went along with it.  Well, also Sally promised free ice cream to everyone in the lunchroom. 

My mom isn't so much bothered by what people think she is, especially the media.  That's why she's not afraid to go to places like the East Coast, where probably not everybody likes her.  I mean President Obama won't even go on FOX News since the Super Bowl or visit a Tea Party rally.  What is he so afraid of? 

My mom also likes to tell it like it is.  I think that makes some reporters mad because they are used to politicians kissing their b***s (I'm not allowed to say that word).  They seem pretty miffed they have to run around after my mom at all.  I guess she's pretty important, or they wouldn't bother.  Maybe they're just used to hanging out in the air-conditioning, and waiting for Obama to tell them what they're supposed to say.  It's just weird they are so smart, but can't figure out a lady they think is so simple.  My dad calls it "sour grapes" but I don't know what grapes have to do with any of this.  I always thought reporters drank coffee and ate donuts.

One day we came back to the bus and someone had put a sign on it that said "media whore."  I think it might have been one of the angry media guys.  I think that's what my mom calls planting a "talking point," whatever that is.  I asked my dad what "whore" means and he said not to worry -- it's a word the left likes to use to describe conservative women.

Maybe there are just people who don't like our bus.  It has words like God, Liberty, and Justice -- We The People.  And it has an American flag.  I guess those are things we're not really supposed to be proud of these days.  I bet the people who make fun of it don't even have flags themselves.  Maybe they're the same people who don't think I should be on a tour bus with my mom.  President Obama's daughters spent plenty of time on his tour bus and that was brilliant, but when my mom brings me, it's child abuse.  If she had left me at home last week who knows what the media would be calling her?

I looked up President Obama's bus from when he was trying to be President, and it was just plain black.  I mean, that's okay, especially if you want to pretend to be all mysterious, I guess.  Maybe it was for protection that it had to be so boring.  But Obama didn't even have a flag on his bus -- and he was running for President of the United States.

I wonder if Obama ever visited Washington D.C. when he was my age.  He lived in Indonesia from the time he was six until he was ten.  I wonder if he ever visited Washington D.C. after that?  It sure gives you an appreciation for our forefathers -- how they risked their lives to ensure our God-given freedom.  When Obama was on a bus tour it was called the "Road to Change."  I like our "One Nation" a whole lot better, especially now that I see how hard people fought for our Nation to be free.  I can't imagine why President Obama is so hung up on change.  From what -- being American? 

What if every kid in America got to see the America I see?  I wonder what the future of our Country would look like.  It might make sense to a lot more people why my mom talks so much about restoration, and not transformation.

Oh, and by the way -- I did the math -- I'm eligible to run for President in 2036.  My name is Piper Palin, and I approve this message.