November 2, 2010
Thirty-six Reasons to Vote Democrat
In the spirit of bipartisanship, I humbly offer this learning tool to help folks decide whether or not they really do want to vote Democrat in the 2010 midterms.
- If you want the American government to be feared by the American people -- but laughed at by Hugo Chávez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad -- vote Democrat.
- If you want to agree with John Kerry that American voters are stupid and distracted and uninformed -- vote Democrat.
- If you moved your 7-million-dollar yacht to Rhode Island to avoid taxes -- vote Democrat.
- If you want a "dude" president -- and not the shining city on a hill -- vote Democrat.
- If you want to pay through the nose in taxes until you are 70 so union thugs in purple shirts can retire in security at age 50 -- vote Democrat.
- If you like the fact that people who actually know the Constitution get laughed at by people who are ignorant of it -- vote Democrat.
- If you want the entire country to be like Detroit, Philadelphia, New York, New Orleans, Chicago -- vote Democrat.
- If you fear the Chamber of Commerce more than you do the Ground Zero Mosque -- vote Democrat.
- If you think liberalism and socialism have done a good job of managing the incredibly beautiful and rich state of California, vote Democrat.
- If you want a government bureaucrat, who can no doubt access your voter registration records, to determine whether or not you get a hip replacement or a cancer treatment -- vote Democrat.
- If you want to pay six dollars a gallon for gas -- vote Democrat.
- If you want electricity bills to "necessarily skyrocket" -- vote Democrat.
- If you think America deserved what it got on 9-11 -- and that we can handle another such attack -- vote Democrat.
- If you think that Club Gitmo, which was not even operational on 9-11, is why "they hate us" -- vote Democrat.
- If you think our economy will boom with government bureaucrats making twice what similar folks make in the private sector -- vote Democrat.
- If you think there's nothing wrong with Jerry Brown admitting that the last time he ran for governor of California, he "had no plan" -- vote Democrat.
- If you think anything has changed about Jerry Brown and his plans -- vote Democrat.
- If you liked Richard Blumenthal's answer in the Connecticut debate on "how to create a job" -- vote Democrat.
- Actually, if you can even decipher Blumenthal's answer about creating a job -- vote Democrat.
- If you think Michelle Obama actually added value to the health care system with her no-show three-hundred-thousand-dollar job in Chicago -- vote Democrat.
- If you think John Edwards is sexy -- regardless of your gender -- vote Democrat.
- If you think civil rights means that all white Americans are by definition guilty and all African-Americans are by definition innocent, vote Democrat.
- If you are stupid enough to think that being against a Federal Department of Education is the same as being against education -- vote Democrat.
- If you want to vote the same way the dead are voting -- vote Democrat.
- If you want to vote the same way the felons are voting -- vote Democrat.
- If you like the fact that our military men and women are being disenfranchised -- vote Democrat.
- If you think Cuba is a success story -- vote Democrat.
- If you think that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac crashing the housing market is an example of "unfettered capitalism" and a failure of the free market, then vote Democrat.
- If you think that smart businesspeople will sit around and let our government tax them out of existence before they move their operations overseas -- vote Democrat.
- If you think it helps you if your boss gets hit with a huge tax bill -- vote Democrat.
- If Chris Matthews gives you a tingle up your leg -- instead of an upset stomach - then vote Democrat.
- If you think insurance companies can lower rates, pay for every small medical item -- and every preexisting condition -- and every illegal alien -- and stay in business -- vote Democrat.
- If you agree with the French union protesters upset about having to delay retirement for two years to age 62 -- vote Democrat.
- If you think a rally sponsored by Arianna Huffington, the SEIU, and the DNC is a non-political rally -- vote Democrat.
- If you think electric cars are the answer because they don't use energy -- vote Democrat.
- If you don't want Nancy Pelosi to retire -- vote Democrat.
I hope this has helped any undecided voters.