April 27, 2009

Plumbing Problem at The White House

By Harold Witkov

Many years ago, my wife and I purchased our first home. It was an older house, and I was not very handy then. Whenever something needed fixing, a tradesman was required. Our first plumber was selected by chance, just someone in the phone book. He seemed competent enough but he always did something that never sat well with me. Whenever he repaired something, he always seemed to have something bad to say about the previous craftsman. He might tell me, "This wouldn't have happened if the stupid guy used Kohler faucets," "Whoever did this didn't properly caulk inside the wall," or, "I can't believe he installed the wrong main shutoff valves."

One nightmarish day sewage backed up through the drain in the utility room and our toilets overran when flushed. In a panic, we called our plumber. He began by rodding out the utility floor drain. Eventually, he managed to fix the problem, we thought, but then he had to come back two days later for the same thing. This time the sewer rod snake, he explained, "hit a wall," could not penetrate any farther, and then he convinced me the sewer tile was broken. He never did rod out the main sewer line behind the clothes dryer.

The replacement of a sewer tile is a quite an ordeal. Permits have to be obtained, sidewalks broken up and eventually replaced, a digging crew hired (including two men who just stand above the trench in case it collapses), and a small Caterpillar tractor utilized. The digging began in my front yard. The problem was I live on a corner lot and the sewer line does nut run through the front of my house but through the side of the house. By the time the job was finished, I was out thousands of dollars and I had two huge rectangles of parkway that required sod, one on the side of the house and one in the front of the house. To make things worse, my plumber never thought to install an outside access clean out. To this day, I am convinced I never needed a new sewer tile.

Today's President reminds me of my former plumber. He tells us we are going to have to pay up because nobody, other than himself, is competent. Our President has a unique aptitude for trashing. He trashes Wall Street, AIG, the credit card companies, the automobile industry, CEO's, the banks, the lenders, and, the economy. Unlike any other sitting President, he trashes his predecessor, and, when he is abroad, he loves to trash his country.

For a homeowner, nothing seems worse than a backed up sewer and overrunning toilet. Across our nation, metaphorically speaking, there is a plumbing problem. Our sewers are backing up. Rather than our cups, it is our toilets that runneth over. This plumbing problem now starts and ends with the White House.

The United States is the greatest country on the planet. There may be problems, and these problems are not easily plunged away, but we do not require a new sewer tile, only rodding. The American system is not broken and never has been. If the President is not capable of repairing his White House plumbing problem, he should stop trashing everyone else and find someone who knows what he is doing. Perhaps his administration needs to add another Czar, a Plumbing Czar.

I wonder if Joe the Plumber is available?