PrintMay 6, 2008
A Free Market Solution to White Guilt
White Guilt is the locomotive propelling the Obama campaign. Without it the Junior Senator from Illinois would be just a skinnier Bill Clinton. American kids are being guilt-tripped in all the public schools today, from grade school to graduate school. By the time they get to voting age, they feel so bad about the slave trade and Jim Crow that they are ready to pay up for forgiveness. That's Senator Obama's Youth Vote.
I'm a big fan of black radio personalities Ken Hamblin and Larry Elder. Ken Hamblin called himself "the Black Avenger," not because he hates anybody, but because he was so enraged by the con artists who have taken over so much of the "racial Left," leaving devastation in their wake. Because the race industry is fueled by White Guilt, Hamblin decided to hand out absolution certificates -- he's a black guy, after all, and therefore naturally authorized to forgive white folks, just as much as the Three Revs (Jesse, Al, and Jeremiah). Hamblin still has his official Certificate of Absolution for White Guilt on the web. You can print it out, signed by Mr. Hamblin, and post it on your wall. Look at it whenever you feel that dreaded clutch of guilt. It's free.
But Ken Hamblin is missing a big opportunity here. What a race entrepreneur needs is a way to monetize White Guilt, to turn that craving for absolution into cold hard cash. As Chaucer's Pardoner understood so well, once you can offer forgiveness for sin, you get a market, just like hog bellies or soda pop. It's supply and demand. Guilt-tripping preachers and politicians make you feel terrible about black suffering and oppression, and you have to pay what the market will bear to shrug off that burden.
The Democrats have monetized White Guilt in a fashion by turning forgiveness into a government franchise.
But there is a free market solution. The key is to understand that any black person can dispense personal forgiveness. You don't have to go to Obama or the Black Caucus. What we need is competition between suppliers. You can choose between up-market dispensers of forgiveness, like Senator Obama and Oprah Winfrey, or down-market ones like Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson. And for all you cheapskates out there, just print out Ken Hamblin's Certificate of Absolution. There. Feel better now?
Think of the spinoffs. Imagine making I'm Not Guilty Anymore! refrigerator magnets, bumper stickers, neckties and handbags. Call it General Absolution, Inc., and get endorsements from Al Sharpton. Instead of a government monopoly to forgive your racist past we could have a free market, where you could pay for a year of forgiveness, or a couple of bucks for a day of carefree innocence. Marketing racial forgiveness would introduce choice, so people with a ton of guilt would pay a lot, and the rest would pay according to their needs. Limo liberals would naturally want to get the big luxury Absolution package, and conservatives ... well, you know what they're like. Cheapskates very single one of them.
The possibilities are endless. Parents could buy Forgiveness Insurance for their families, to make sure their kids will keep receiving Absolution for future sins. We could list General Absolution, Inc., on the stock exchange, and trade it for Al Gore's Carbon Credits. Come to think of it, it's pretty much the same thing.
In fact, just as a favor -- because I really like you -- I'll sell you the European Franchise of Liberal Guilt. Just think, 500 million Europeans need forgiveness, too. I'll just take 10% off the top. It's the opporunity of a lifetime. Plus it's a socially responsible investment. You'll be doing well by doing good.
What could be sweeter than that?
PS. I just found out about Dr. Walter Williams' "Proclamation of Amnesty and Pardon Granted to All Persons of European Descent." Maybe we should all go around granting pardon and amnesty to everybody we meet for everything their ancestors either did or suffered from all of our ancestors. The Hindi salute "Namaste" is said to mean "I salute the soul in you." Our new American greeting could be: "I pardon you!" It's just as good a way to start a conversation as any other.
James Lewis blogs at dangeroustimes.wordpress.com
