PrintMarch 12, 2007
A Plan to stop Global Warming that is Out of this World
It is an inevitable fact of life that the integrity of a particular social movement will sooner or later be compromised - or its absurdity exposed - by the unforeseen display of poor judgment on the part of its staunchest defenders. In a recent interview with Canada's former defense minister Paul Hellyer, the capricious alignment of the universal forces of chance afforded unequivocal confirmation of this thesis.
Mr. Hellyer informed the Ottawa Citizen that highly classified information on extraterrestrials may hold the key to solving the earth's Global Warming crisis and could help us save the planet before it is too late. He went on to demand that World governments declassify all of these Alien Technology secrets so we can get on with addressing this pressing issue as soon as possible.
Mr. Hellyer's rather unorthodox scheme is based on the premise that, since Alien visitors may have had to travel vast distances in search of intelligent life in our universe, they must possess extraordinary propulsion systems and incredibly efficient fuel technologies to be able to achieve such a feat. These technologies would go a long way towards stemming the tide of human extinction posed by Global Warming, if only the world governments (especially the U.S.) would share them with the scientific community.
Suffice it to say Global Climate groups are probably less than thrilled to hear that Mr. Hellyer has now joined their ranks in trying to save the world. I find this somewhat surprising; why would you not want the man who almost single-handedly consolidated the entire Canadian military forces on your team? The fact that he officially inaugurated the first and only known Unidentified Flying Object landing pad should hardly be reason to give a compatriot the cold shoulder.
Mr. Hellyer, who is 83 years old, may be given a grace period to retract his outlandish remarks and chalk them up to a momentary bout of senility. Unfortunately in his case such pronouncements have become the rule rather than the exception.
In a Toronto conference on November 2005 Mr. Hellyer accused the U.S. military of "preparing weapons which could be used against the aliens" and the Bush administration of trying to "get us into an intergalactic war without us ever having any warning". A year earlier he closed a lecture with an admonition to begin an
"era of openness, public hearings, publicly funded research, and education about extraterrestrial reality".
Not surprisingly, shortly after the release of his most recent comments, the internet was abuzz with many UFO enthusiasts coming to Mr. Hellyer's defense, and declaring that his idea may not be so farfetched after all. Others derided the whole matter as an attempt to devise a hypothetical solution for what is already a fictitious problem.
I suppose that if you are already sold on the preposterous arguments Global Warming alarmists espouse, the next logical step would be to propose an even wackier solution to the alleged crisis. It is not hard to envision how the dual concepts of Climate Change and Space Aliens can find great compatibility in a mind that is vacuous enough to sit through an entire screening of Al Gore's Academy Award winning Power Point presentation (also known as An Inconvenient Truth). As Edward Tufte tells us, "Power corrupts; Power Point corrupts absolutely"
My own personal theory - for which I confess a lack of sufficient political or academic credentials to spur my fellow earthlings onto any kind of remedial action - is that Al Gore is at the center of this Alien ultramodern technology conspiracy.
I believe his ultimate goal is to slowly condition the world to believe that Global Warming is a fact, and to convince them that we can become better stewards of our planet as soon as we embrace the advanced technologies his alien consorts have kept under wraps until a more propitious time, at which juncture he will make them available for a nominal fee, which would go toward funding a sequel to his aforementioned film. Of course one could argue that my assessment is purely speculative and loosely based on reality; but I could say the same thing about Mr. Hellyer's.
And as far as the latter is concerned, one of the few remaining ills that have yet to be diagnosed as being related to Global Warming is "intermittent bouts of madness in retired politicians and generals". I suspect once climate change activists get wind of Mr. Hellyer's peculiar testimony I am sure they will promptly index it accordingly.
