February 27, 2007
The Saint, Algoreia (a poem)
I am the Saint, Algoreia,
excélsis Deo Me!
Environmental haystacks
are just my cup of tea.
Once... I was Vice President
but that time is no more;
the scathing proletariat
hath swept me out the door.
of the environmental choir,
deus ex machina, very lite,
and I order you, "Perspire!"
I am the authoritative throne,
and the U.N. quite agrees;
on matters of environment,
I bring all to their knees.
I am the Great and Powerful Oz!
Intone it acappella.
Doxology before my throne:
"Its hot! Grab an umbrella!"
Our globe is getting warm. I swear!
Our snows are fastly melting.
Ignore white Christmas Malibu
and the frozen mid-West's helpings.
Ignore that flatulated cows,
prove baneful as we mortals.
A scientific slip of fact -
only the sophomoric chortle.
Ignore Kant's song! I'm shilling strong.
I promise, the enviro's dire -
for my performance choir.
I am the Saint, Algoreia.
I am the Great Presume.
My really inconvenient truth -
My environmental fantasies
are luscious algorithms,
for turning viewpoint into cash -
I'm their enigmatic prism.
With California's hip elites
sewn-up in my chic back-pockets,
(along with Europe's and New York's)
I put America on the docket.
Mr. Redford is my friend.
Categorically, there's no one wiser.
He doffs his Sundance boots to me,
as I play the enviro lyre.
I am the Saint, Algoreia.
and critical that you all accept,
I'm the savior of every nation.
My precepts? They're unquestionable.
My science? Its uncanny.
My conclusions that the earth is flat
prove Congress the perfect nanny.
And one day, when I've saved the earth -
just wait - I'm sure you'll see;
they'll take St. Alban's Abbey
and name it after me.
So, very soon, now just stay tuned,
He'll come Himself, while I'm alive,
and entrust my rule with Heaven.
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[1] Ebdomadarius. In ecclesiastical law, an officer in cathedral churches who supervised the regular performance of divine services, and prescribed the particular duties of each person in the choir
[2] Imanuel Kant (1724-1804). His categorical imperative stated that an individual's actions should be capable of serving as the basis for universal law.
[3] Ozymandius (1818). A famous sonnet by Percy Bysshe Shelley. It is "an ironic commentary on the vanity and futility of a tyrant's power," Benét's Reader's Encyclopedia, 3rd Ed., p. 728.