By now most Americans have heard that John Kerry plans to undertake a "preemptive" legal strike against Republicans during this election cycle. His justification for flooding every key battleground state in the union with thousands of lawyers, is to say that Democrats need to stop the Bush political machine before it can disenfranchise people, as it did in Florida four years ago.

Kerry is DEEPLY concerned that many liberals, and black liberals in particular, may not have their votes counted due to the shenanigans of all those despicable conservatives out there, who are, let's face it, nothing but racists, sexists, homophobes, and Bible—thumping religious zealots.

Apparently he's worried that his supporters, in places like that bastion of Republican militancy, Palm Beach County Florida, will fall prey once again to the underhanded schemes and trickery of the shadowy political cabal known as the Vast Right—Wing Conspiracy... you know, the one that attacked poor Bill Clinton back in the '90s in a most vicious, gratuitous, and completely unprovoked manner.

As I write this article, leftist attorneys from all over the country are hard at work preparing their assorted briefs for the inevitable lawsuits, which will almost certainly need to be filed before the upcoming election, in anticipation of the kind of widespread Republican voter fraud that's been so prevalent in past elections in cities like Chicago, Illinois and Newark, New Jersey.

Fears among Kerry's constituency of another judicial coup are ever—present, having grown steadily in the hearts and minds of most Democrats over the past few years. With so many ultra—conservative rulings being handed down by the U.S. Supreme Court since George W. Bush took office, like the University of Michigan (Grutter v. Bollinger) Affirmative Action decision of 2003, or the more recent Guantanamo Bay (Rasul v. Bush) terror suspects ruling, who can blame them?

Indeed, Mr. Kerry should not feel compelled to make excuses for what are clearly reasonable and, in fact, necessary attempts to assure that "all the votes are counted" this time around. While no mention of the disposition of U.S. military votes has been made by the junior Senator from Massachusetts, I feel confident that this regrettable omission on his part is merely a temporary oversight. After all, who among us cares more about the opinions of our men and women in the armed forces than liberal politicians?

I'm sure that all those military ballots will be dealt with in the most non—partisan way possible once folks like David Boies and Mary Frances Berry have subjected them to rigorous legal scrutiny.... uh... just to make sure they've been submitted in a "timely" fashion.

And let's not forget that they'll be getting plenty of advice from the international community this year as well. That's right, the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE) will be traveling to the U.S. to help "monitor" the election, and I for one could not be more thrilled.

Since it's apparent that we, the American people, are no longer capable of running our own elections, who better to do it for us than bus—loads of left—wing legal eagles and Kyoto—supporting foreign bureaucrats? A practicable answer to that question escapes me, as I'm sure it does all of you who are reading this now.

All the hullabaloo being created by that tiny minority of right—wing wackos out there who, for some inexplicable reason, still believe that assuring the integrity of elections is the responsibility of the voters themselves, is utterly unjustified in this day and age. Can't these people just accept the fact that this is the 21st Century, and that old fashioned notions like Constitutional principle and national sovereignty are square pegs that will never fit into the round holes of the new world order?

Frankly, I'm perplexed by their insistence upon adhering to silly little things like state election laws and those annoying vote—counting "deadlines" that people like Katherine Harris kept droning on about immediately following the 2000 election.

Why, it's almost as if these cantankerous cretins think that America is a nation which values the opinions of wholly ordinary people as highly as it does those of Harvard educated law practitioners!

I mean, have you ever...?

Edward L. Daley is the owner of the Daley Times—Post