Global warmists claim that carbon dioxide is a dangerous air pollutant which is cooking the planet. They claim it causes ice sheets to melt, threatens polar bears, spreads malaria and asthma, and increases droughts, floods, tornadoes, heat waves and snow storms.

Thus their policies aim to stop generation of electricity from coal and gas, as well as production of cement and steel and usage of petrol and diesel.

However if the globe is really in such danger, then they should also support the removal of all man-made carbon dioxide.

Each human produces over 300 kg of CO₂ per year just by breathing out. There are seven billion of us. Surely everyone should be equipped with gas absorbent masks to catch all this dangerous man-made gas?

And brewers must be forced to produce flat beer to prevent all those dangerous bubbles of carbon dioxide from reaching the atmosphere. Same goes for champagne and all those fizzy drinks.

Bakers will have to stop using yeast and baking soda to create carbon dioxide to put all those holes in bread -- nothing but unleavened dampers in future.

Gas-burning barbeques are adding to the problem -- sun dried meat should be mandatory for backyard parties. And we must extinguish all those pot-bellied stoves and all crematoriums.

Fireworks are a huge problem, producing not only carbon dioxide but also unfiltered smoke and particle pollution. There should be an end to public fireworks and no more government promotion of carbon-belching car racing.

If the future of the globe is in such peril, alarmists must go the whole hog and eliminate all of man's production of carbon dioxide.