Would Abe Lincoln bow down to a slave-keeping Arab king?

By James Lewis

Step aside, Queen Elizabeth dearie, and allow us to poke you in the ribs on Larry King. What a gag! And to you, imperialist swine Gordon Brown, we give you a well-considered diplomatic slap in the face. Take those cheap DVDs and shove them. As for that Churchill bust, get it outta here. I am the Egg of Change.

As for King Abdullah bin Saud, I, a free-born Black man, bow down to you in the ancient gesture of slave submission --- even though the Saudis no longer welcome bowing to a mere human being, but only to Allah. That low bow and that series of "Up yours!" gestures to the Brits, who are still helping us militarily in Afghanistan, are carefully scripted gestures. They are meant to be seen by you and me -- imperialistic monsters -- and by the famous Arab street, who understand bowing and submission quite nicely. Even though the Arab League just applauded the indicted little Hitler of the Sudan, a regime still deeply enmeshed in criminal genocide and Black slavery -- raiding, killing, and forcible conversion of native African peoples to Islam.

What would Abraham Lincoln say? Would he turn red with shame at the sight of an American president kowtowing to a slave-keeping Arab royal? Would he laugh, and turn it into one of his famous stories? My bet is on laughing, but we'll never know.

We do know that an Illinois frontier lawyer never bows down to anybody. Except maybe to sucker the local Indian Chief into moving off another piece of land. Because Obama's gesture is just that, a mere gesture, and therefore tinged with the contempt Mr. Obama really harbors toward everybody in the world, most of all his own people. I do not think he is a Muslim, because he is bowing toward a human being, not Allah. Obama's father was a socialist atheist, and so is Obama. Which all the Arab regimes know perfectly well.

When we see him going on hajj in a white sheet, we'll know different. Right now this is just Obama grand PR at another level -- like those Greek Styrofoam columns, the Axelrod rock-star campaign aimed at the twitterhead masses who voted him in -- two to one for the under-thirties, with the over-thirties split right down the middle. That's why the twitters still worship him, and will until the day he fades from the scene.

As for that trillion-dollar vow to the Third World, guess who is going to pay it -- and who won't? Right. That's how it always happens with Uncle Sucker at the UN. So it looks like Obama is really a post-colonial revanchist -- one who is intent on taking revenge, psychological and material for the perceived slights of the past.

Next: A trip to Africa to apologize for the slave trade that was stopped by the British Navy and American Republicans, like Abe Lincoln, 150 years ago. A well-rehearsed ancient grievance like slavery, the sins of the great-great-great-grandfathers, can always be used to guilt-trip white folks today into giving more of their money.